Friday, August 30, 2013

Airlifting a 1345-pound man to the hospital



Dear fellow tax hikers, nobody is too big to transport to the hospital.  This was recently proven in Saudi Arabia, where authorities managed to get a 20 year-old man weighing 1345 pounds to the hospital for treatment.  We can't imagine why he might have needed to see a doctor.

Just how do you move a 1345-pound man?  No problem.  Civil defense authorities used a forklift to move him from his house.  They also used a crane.  They used these tools to get him onto an airplane, which must have had a very powerful engine. 

Some people think a human weighing 1345 pounds is a lot, but is it really?   He's been alive at least 7300 days.  That means he's gaining no more than one pound every 5.4 days.  Is that really so bad?  Who knows, if he lives to be 40 he might balloon up to 2690 pounds. 

We find this to be a good use of public tax dollars.  And if he's on food stamps, that's even better.  We applaud Saudi authorities for their creative use of forklifts and cranes as part of their health care improvement program.  We look forward to seeing more progressive ideas out of this fine country.

5 comments:

Princess Margaret said...

Wait, what, you mean this wasn't on the West Side? I can't believe there aren't any 1,300 pound people living in Price Hill or Westwood or especially Colerain????

Humpty Dumpty said...

ANOTHER article about Craig Hochscheid?

Republican Leaders in ORP and RNC said...

Individuals like this need to know that the Republican Party cares about them just as much as we care about our campaign donors and the right-wing Jesus Freaks who run our party. Scratch that, we don't care about those right-wingers, we just like to sucker them into voting for our candidates.

It's so easy to fool those conservatives. Just wear a flag lapel pin, or that tiny little baby feet pin, throw in some "family values" talk, and they're good to go.

Anyhoo, it's time to re-think that strategery in the 21st century and we need to give the gays and immigrants what they want, without overlooking the cares and concerns of people such as this. I am sure we can call for more government spending on obese people and then start winning their votes too. People will gladly stop voting for Democrats who give them everything they want and start voting for Republicans if we say we will give them everything they want and more.

Jenny Craig said...

Never did I think I would see the day that someone weighs 1000 pounds more than Tabitha Hochscheid.

Fat Racist Pig Craig Hochscheid said...

Can the City of Cincinnati use a crane and forklift to get someone from a shitbox Price Hill condo to the streetcar?