- co-authored by Krista Ramsey
Dear fellow tax hikers, there were many winners in the historic 2014 election. None greater than County Commission write-in candidate Jim Tarbell. Tarbell's candidacy was about anger - anger that the County Commissioners didn't want to raise Hamilton County's Sales Tax to renovate the Cincinnati-owned Music Hall.
Tarbell channeled that anger to get a commanding 6.6% of the vote, losing to Chris Monzel by over 50 points. Look at all that anger! By achieving less than 7% of the vote and finishing a distant 3rd out of 3 candidates, Tarbell achieved many aspects of a win and demonstrated himself to be the biggest winner of 2014.
While we're very proud of Tarbell and his 6%, we feel compelled to name Micah Kamrass as a very close second-place. He's a rising star. He raised a ton of money. Everyone supported him and he guaranteed to win big. His campaign was so well run. He was even a Student Government President. And as Krista keeps telling is, he is sooooo dreamy!
All that was good enough to get Kamrass 44% of the vote in a landslide loss. But as The Enquirer was quick to remind us, we'll count it as a win anyways. If Micah could have gotten to 47 or 48%, we would have declared him the landslide victor. Please join us in honoring these two great winners.
Our friend The Ten has been helping us and we've figured out that if you add Jim Tarbell's 6.6% to Micah Kamrass' 44%, you get more than 50% so we do actually win.
ReplyDeleteWay to go, Micah! I am so proud to have supported you in your winning campaign.
ReplyDeleteCalling your opponent "retarded" is always a winnig strategy.
ReplyDeleteI'm used to finishing second.
ReplyDeleteThe Kamrass boys should be on the loser list for letting that incompetent Julie Matheny anywhere near their campaign. Everyone else already knows better.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest winners are anyone who doesn't live in that trash-infested, crime-ridden ghetto to our north.
ReplyDeleteI won't lie, (this time), it's a let down. Going from industry leader to stock boy is by any measure a success. Any reasonable person would agree. My only recourse it seems is to retreat into my Pricedale basement lair with a jumbo sized bucket of cracklins... Oh the humanity.
ReplyDeleteCraig "Shine Box" Hochscheid
We just love it when Jim says we're all retarded
ReplyDeleteStill don't have a job? Got news for ya, Monzel ain't hiring!
ReplyDeleteI will be the big winner in 2015 when Ohio voters legalize pot and I get my franchise to sell weed to the poor people in Lower Price Hill, with a promise to "reinvest" everything I make into the neighborhood of course. Never mind that I saw to it that my tax dollars never get "re-invested" in the city where I get enormous publicity that makes me feel so good. Tax abated Riverfront property rules my friend!
ReplyDeleteThe big winner in 2015 will be the writer who can puff up PG Sittenfeld's Senate campaign the most. he or she might even be able to keep his or her job.
ReplyDeleteWe will be the big winners in 2015 when everyone finally wakes up and realizes what a terrible person Jonathan Dever is just in time for the primaries in 2016.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm making a pretty good run at the 2015 award.
ReplyDelete... [insert consort or public office of choice]. Whatever, I know you all are just waiting on baited breath for Scene Three of Princess Crazypants, The Miniseries.
ReplyDeleteYou aren't fooling anyone with this hiatus. Everyone knows you're still unemployed. Now they also know you're lazy.
ReplyDelete