Todd Portune for Governor?

Dear fellow tax hikers, we blog tonight to honor and defend one of the biggest icons in local politics - Todd Portune's mustache.  As Todd ponders whether to run for Ohio Governor, we want everyone to understand the source of his strength - Mustache Power.  It is the power that drives Southwest Ohio politics.

However, as Portune and his mustache have traveled around Ohio seeking support, he was confronted by this vicious attack:

We may sometimes allow you to attack Portune, but never Bash the Stache!  His legendary mustache must be defended at all costs.  Whether Todd runs for Governor or not, the 'stache stays where it is.

Stand with Seelbach

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are overjoyed how our community has come together to rally behind our brother Chris Seelbach.  As we reported on Monday, Council Member Seelbach was the victim of a horrible anti-gay attack earlier this week.  Those bigots actually went up to his snow-covered car and wrote "tiny cock" into the snow on his windshield with their homophobic fingers!  We will not stand for this.

We are organizing a rally to combat the hate.  Here are the details of this can't-miss event:

Stand With Seelbach Rally

Wednesday, December 25th

9:30 AM

City Hall steps

All of you are expected to attend.  If you don't show up, it's because you hate homosexuals.

Latest attack against Seelbach

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are appalled at the recent homophobic attack against City Council Member Chris Seelbach, a City Council Member on City Council.  Earlier today Council Member Seelbach walked to his car and had to suffer the following indignity:

This is obviously an attempt to intimidate Council Member Seelbach because he is openly gay and supports our beloved Cincinnati Streetcar.  It couldn't possibly be a random act from a street punk making a joke that perhaps someone driving a tiny "smart car" the size of my first tricycle might also have a tiny one. 

We strongly condemn this act of homophobia.  We encourage Council Member Chris Seelbach to keep courageously using his position as a Council Member to advocate for the streetcar, and to show people how cool it is to drive a car that might weigh less than several local bon vivants. 

The streetcar is dead

Dear fellow tax hikers, THEY KILLED OUR STREETCAR!!! 



Just one month after our humiliating Roxanne Qualls defeat we are sitting here crying our eyes out again.  This city is DEAD.  It can't possibly survive. 

Please help us spread the word to all streetcar supporters that the Suicide Hotline is open 24/7.  We're not giving up and neither should you.  We tax hikers are like roaches - we never go away. 

This means some bad things for us.  Worst of all, we'll have to keep riding a putrid BUS to get around instead of a luxury $148 million streetcar.  Or we'll just have to drive our SUV's more often.  But jeez, don't you sometimes have these days that you want to park the SUV and get around in a lovely streetcar? 

We white Young Professionals in OTR deserve something for ourselves, but that evil man John Cranley took it away.  We promise you our movement isn't dead even if our streetcar is.  Someday, we'll bring a streetcar and a huge new Light Rail Tax to Cincinnati - once Cincinnati reverses itself from it's "death". 

Streetcar costs increase another $15 million

Dear fellow tax hikers, we have wonderful news to share.  It appears that we will get to pay another $15 million for our beloved Cincinnati Streetcar!  Our $133 million streetcar now looks like the $148 million streetcar, just as Council is deciding whether to cancel it.

This information is based on the Secret Streetcar Memo which has finally been released.  In this memo, the City of Cincinnati's own attorney's advised that the city will likely lose it's litigation against Duke Energy over $15 million of costs to move the utilities. 

Former Mayor Mark Mallory and former City Manager Milton Dohoney publicly proclaimed that the city had a strong likelihood of winning this lawsuit, even as they had this memo which said they were likely to lose.  Some would say Mallory and Dohoney were lying, but we say sometimes you have to fib to get the big government projects that we want. 

As we streetcar supporters often demonstrate, we believe the ends justify the means.  We will continue to lie if that's what it takes to build this wonderful streetcar system.  We may have to come up with some great new lies in the next few weeks to save our streetcar.  We believe in Cincinnati!

It has happened

PG Sittenfeld flip-flops on streetcar

Dear fellow tax hikers, if there was a God we would be thanking her for PG Sittenfeld. After posing as a streetcar opponent for the last two elections - and suckering those fools into voting for him - PG announced today that he is a streetcar supporter! 

Our inside sources always assured us this day was coming.  We always knew that Streetcar Sittenfeld would be there when we needed him most.  Did you guys ever wonder why we never had anything bad to say about him?  We knew he was with us. 

For those of you who voted for PG because he personally promised you he'd oppose the streetcar, you're just going to have to deal with it.  Your opinion doesn't matter and it never has.  PG Streetcar has a Presidential campaign to run and he will not be bothered with Commoner tasks like keeping his word. PG will always do what is best for PG, and right now that means supporting the streetcar.

Now that the anti-streetcar forces are taking over Cincinnati's government, and could possess the votes to stop our beloved streetcar, PG couldn't have found a better time to join the cause.  We welcome PG Streetcar to our movement and we hope you do too. 

Turkey Contest

Dear fellow tax hikers, this week we are hosting a special contest.  To wrap up the 2013 political season we will name the Turkey of the Year and we are calling for reader participation.  This contest is open to all political participants.

Was there a candidate whose performance was comically inept?  Perhaps a campaign manager who brought nothing but chaos to an otherwise winnable effort?  Or is this year's turkey a wannabe operative who kept trying to help but could do nothing but sabotage the candidate they thought they were helping?

You make the call.  Submit your nomination and state your case for the 2013 Turkey of the Year. 

1% of Qualls supporters gather

Dear fellow tax hikers, those of us who supported Roxanne Qualls for Mayor are pissed off.  We refuse to accept our landslide defeat.  We are going to get our way and we don't care what John Cranley or the 58% who supported him think. 

This manifested itself with our infamous meeting at the Cincinnati Mercantile Library last week.  1% of Qualls supporters gathered to decide how we are going to run the city, and step #1 is to save the streetcar.  We will not let Crowbar Cranley stop our beloved streetcar.

We are determined to govern Cincinnati with the impressive 42% majority that we produced on Election Day.  This photo shows that we're serious. 

It has been settled.  We Qualls supporters are in charge now.  We only have two questions left, and both of the answers are in this picture:

1)  Where's Waldo?
2)  Where's the minority?

A bad, bad week

Dear fellow tax hikers, TGIF because this week can't get much worse.  First we were completely shocked that John Cranley and 7 incoming Councilmen were able to kill the parking deal that we loved so much.  This plan would have taken future parking profits and spent them now, making it more likely that we would see a future tax increase to replace those lost annual revenues.  Our chances of getting a future tax increase have been reduced because of this terrible move to stop the parking plan. 

Then we find out that our awesome City Manager Milton Dohoney has been forced out.  He did not deserve this.  Milton was the guy who came up with the streetcar, parking plan, trash tax, Red Light cameras, and Water Works sale.  Whenever we needed more taxes, more spending, or more streetcars, Milton always came through. 

Worst of all, Crowbar Cranley still wants to stop our streetcar!  But we're not going to let him.  Did you know that 300 Qualls supporters came to a meeting tonight?  At this meeting, we came up with an unbeatable plan to save our streetcar.  Here it is:

Nothing is going to stand in our way.  After we engage residents and businesses, lobby people, and threaten to file lawsuits, Cranley and Council will have no choice to but to abide by our demands.  The streetcar shall be saved!

Roxanne Qualls still surging

Dear fellow tax hikers, we have some wonderful news to share.  Our downtown friends tell us the Qualls campaign is still surging and will catch Cranley any day now.  She has all the momentum!  Are you ready for another weekend of door-to-door in downtown and Over the Rhine?

The Qualls campaign is also organizing a new group to Save The Streetcar.  We will not let Crowbar Cranley kill the streetcar, no matter how many people voted for him to do just that! 

Qualls supporters are also scheduling a bunch of meetings to sit around and talk about how much they hate John Cranley and the 58% who voted for him. 

And finally, 18th-place Council candidate Mike Moroski has announced he will mount a petition drive if and when Cranley and City Council shut down our beloved streetcar.  We are proud to be the first to endorse this campaign.  We will work just as hard on this petition drive as we did to elect Roxanne Qualls.  We have told you for years that we will make these streetcars happen and we will not let you down. 

Dissecting our major loss

Dear fellow tax hikers, we know that all of you - as well as us - are still grieving over the landslide loss of our Stadium Queen Roxanne Qualls.  Yesterday we even fell ill, as it literally made us sick to see Mayor-elect John Cranley celebrating his win and moving to kill our beloved streetcar.  It is important that even as we grieve, we still try to move on.

It is time to begin understanding our loss.  We ask you, our loyal readers, to send us your thoughts as to why we badly lost this most important race.  Is it because Cincinnati is dominated by Republicans, Tea Partiers, and COASTers?  Is it because voters didn't understand the awesomeness of the streetcar and parking plan?  Is it because voters weren't aware of all the good work Roxanne did to pass the Bedinghaus Stadium Tax?  Is it because the Qualls campaign blew it in the black community? 

We believe it is all of the above.  Voters were too stupid to understand all of the brilliant ideas Roxanne has produced over the years.  We also believe the one mistake Qualls made was not taking our advice regarding the black vote.  We told her to return their calls.  We pleaded with her to repudiate the comments of her surrogates that Cranley's black supporters were bought off.  What black person would vote for Qualls if her people were accusing Cranley of not hiring enough white people? 

Now it is your turn.  Please share your thoughts why Roxanne Qualls was destroyed Tuesday night.