Chris Seelbach attacked. By who or what?

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are dismayed at the recent attack on Cincinnati City Councilman Chris Seelbach in downtown Cincinnati.  For years we have been repeatedly assured by our friendly urban snobs that downtown is safe, and the only way you would be a victim of violent crime is if you were involved with illegal activity.  Was City Councilman Chris Seelbach doing something illegal?

Earlier today the full 911 call was released.  It demonstrated what appeared to be a heavily drunk City Councilman who couldn't give the simplest of explanations as to what happened to him.  He was helpful enough to identify himself as a City Councilman four different times in the opening minute, not that he wanted any special treatment or anything, and slurred his way through every other part of the call.  Listen to the shocking call for yourself.



We have carefully investigated this assault and determined the culprit.  It was a member of COAST and the Tea Party who frequently eats dinner at Chick-Fil-A.  Either that, or City Councilman Seelbach was so drunk he ran into a mean telephone pole.  Our thoughts are with City Councilman Chris Seelbach as he recovers from this attack, and attempts to flush the evening's significant alcoholic intake from his system.

School Board Member arrested for serving alcohol to minors

Dear fellow tax hikers, a local School Board Member and spouse were arrested today after a party in which they allegedly served alcohol to minors.  According to the article, "Terry Luhrsen and his wife Tawnya Luhrsen are charged with Neglect of a Dependent and 20 counts of Furnishing Alcohol to Minors."  That's a lot of furnishing!  Terry is a School Board Trustee for the South Dearborn Community School Corporation. 

We can confirm that Wyoming School Board Member and Party Mom Lynn Larson is not involved.  We are so relieved by this news that me and my civil domestic partner are heading out for some drinks.  Who's gonna join us?

Wyoming School Board wants 37-year tax increase

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are delighted to report that the citizens of Wyoming (the city, not the state) will have an opportunity to pass themselves a big property tax hike that will last 37 years.  The Wyoming School Board voted unanimously to place a 4.79 mill property tax increase on the March 6th ballot, which would cost homeowners approximately $145 per $100,000 of home valuation.

The best part is this tax increase will last for 37 years!  In other words, John Pepper, Frances Pepper, Big Barry Porter, and Jim O'Reilly will die long before this tax will.  Or consider the 25+ kids from the Wyoming High School Class of 2011 who managed to get themselves arrested in their first year as an adult - they will be 56 years old when this tax levy expires.  This would be a fantastic gift to leave them!

This big property tax hike is necessary to spend needed money on the Middle School.  It's old.  Therefore it needs a $25 million infusion of new tax money.  They must spend $25 million for urgent upgrades like wider hallways, more meeting space, and a larger gym, in addition to a new state-of-the-art full-service bar in the school cafeteria.

School Board Party Mom Lynn Larson strongly believes a full-service bar is necessary to prepare the middle school kids for their expected high school life.  And to help them simulate a typical Saturday night party at the Larson estate.  We applaud Mrs. Larson for supporting this urgently-needed tax increase and for everything she's done for the school district.

Please ignore the fact that the Wyoming City Schools were knocked down a level in the state rankings, and now rank just one level ahead of the Cincinnati Public Schools.  Larson is blameless.  We'll do exactly what Lynn Larson does when something goes wrong - blame it on the Wyoming Police Department instead of taking any personal responsibility for her failures as a parent and School Board Member.  The School Board's failures prove how badly Wyoming needs higher taxes.  Tax us more!