400-pound naked woman arrested

Dear fellow tax hikers, police arrested a naked 400-pound woman for exposure of sexual organs in public.  We're not convinced anyone could have seen her organs through all the fat.  We are pretty sure it wasn't our good friend Tab Hochscheid.

Allegedly the arrested woman is homeless even though she collects Social Security disability.  We suspect she could better afford shelter if she wasn't spending so much on her food bill. 

Duke Energy proposes Streetcar Tax

Dear fellow tax hikers, get ready for the latest proposed streetcar tax!  To make way for this important project, Duke Energy will have to spend millions to move their underground utilities infrastructure.  But they don't want to pay for it themselves. 

Under the new plan, you the customer will pay.  That's right, Duke Energy has filed paperwork with the Public Utilities Commission of Ohio (PUCO) to give them the right to enact a special streetcar surcharge to cover these costs.  This super-special streetcar tax would apply to Cincinnati residents. 

Every time you sit down to watch tv, you will pay more for Sean Donovan's streetcar.  Every time you turn on the stove to cook dinner, you'll be handing over more of your money for the Roxanne Qualls streetcar.  Run the heat or AC, it's going to cost more so Mark Mallory can get his beloved streetcar. 

We fully endorse this necessary tax increase.  Just like the lovely stadiums, we know this streetcar will produce massive economic development for Cincinnati.  We encourage PUCO to approve this Streetcar Tax as soon as possible.

Summer Reading List

Dear fellow tax hikers, many embark on an ambitious reading plan for those summertime months.  Being extremely intelligent and well-read, we do this too.  It's time for us to pick up those books so we can be the smartest tax-hikers we can be.  With that, we introduce to you:

The Republicans for Higher Taxes Summer Reading List

1.  Serving with Honor and Integrity, by Jean Schmidt
2.  Giving Back to the Community that Has Given You So Much, by Mike Brown
3.  Running an Effective Campaign, by Julie Matheny
4.  Staying Sane in an Insane World, by Simon Leis
5.  Getting Over the Bitterness of Losing an Election, by MS. Vicky Zwissler
6.  Working Hard for the Citizens who Elected You, by Tax Hikin’ Rick Bryan
7.  Effective Weight-loss Tips, by Tabitha Hochscheid
8.  Telling the Truth About Anything, by Jon Husted
9.  Being a Good Parent, by Lynn Larson
10. Keeping Taxes Low, by Virgil Lovitt
11.  I Will Win an Election Some Day Before I Die, by Martha Good
12.  Hiring Qualified Employees, by Tracy Winkler.  With a forward from Alex and Jennifer Triantafilou

Jean Schmidt corruption scandal deepens

Dear fellow tax hikers, today the world has learned significant new information about the ongoing Jean Schmidt corruption scandal.  Her latest disclosure forms reveal that Schmidt accepted another $153,000 in illegal gifts in 2011 from the Turkish Coalition of America, after she was told by the House Ethics Committee she was under investigation for taking illegal gifts.  These disclosures bring her cumulative illegal gifts to over $582,000.  

The blog CorruptUSA points out that our beloved Congresswoman Schmidt did what the Ethics Committee expressly told Congressman Charlie Rangel he couldn't do - allow third parties to pay her legal fees without first setting up a legal expense fund.  That's our Jean Schmidt!  She has never been one to follow the law.  Schmidt has found herself in one scandal after another throughout her public career. 

We are very proud of Jean Schmidt for everything she has done - ethics violations, raising numerous taxes, huge spending increases, bailouts for billionaires, and much more.  Like many of her supporters such as Campaign Expert PhD Julie Matheny, we are still very bitter about her loss in the March primary to that military man Brad Wenstrup.  He had no right to challenge her!  We deserved two more years of our great Congresswoman Schmidt.  Rise up and show your support for our corrupt Congresswoman Jean Schmidt!

John Cranley opposes Property Tax Hike

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are enormously disappointed in former Cincinnati Councilman John Cranley.  Today Cranley has published a mean editorial opposing Roxanne Qualls' efforts to raise Cincinnati's property taxes!  Not only did Cranley condemn this important tax increase, he also criticized the streetcar project which we believe is necessary for the future of our city.

Roxanne Qualls does not deserve this criticism.  Roxanne has been a tax-hiking goddess throughout her public career.  Roxy was the leading voice for the Stadium Sales Tax increase which has done so much good for our community.  She endorsed the Sales Tax hike for Light Rail.  Roxy endorsed the 2007 Jail Tax which would have raised taxes $777 million for a $198 million jail.  Qualls has also been one of the streetcar's biggest supporters from Day 1.  She supports all the great ideas!

We are very angry at John Cranley.  Cranley and our enemy Chris Monzel were the only two Councilmen who voted against our beloved streetcar.  Cranley refused to endorse the 2007 Sales Tax hike for a big new expensive jail.  And now he is publicly criticizing a property tax increase that we already endorsed. 

We need higher property taxes, both in the city and in the county.  We stand behind Roxanne Qualls as she seeks another one of her wonderful tax hikes.  We are also serving warning to John Cranley that he better stop opposing our agenda of higher taxes and more spending.  He will find our opposition to be a steep encounter to any future candidacy. 

Arts Sales Tax unpopular

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are very disenchanted to learn the results of an Enquirer poll showing that area citizens oppose a big Sales Tax increase to pay for $500 million of local arts projects.  We firmly believe that arts needs should come before other government services.  Everyone should pay for "the arts" whether they want to or not.

This poll shows only 33% of area residents support the tax increase with 46% already opposed.  In Hamilton County the numbers were slightly better but still awful, with 39% in support and 47% opposed. 

Arts and entertainment are possibly our most important government programs.  The last time Hamilton County raised the Sales Tax was for the lovely stadiums and that sure worked out well.  A new Sales Tax hike could be even better. 

The need for taxpayer-funded arts projects is too important to allow things like fiscal responsibility to get in our way.  We need higher taxes.  We can't think of a more important government program than a Sales Tax increase for many years to ensure that every single Hamilton County resident pays their share of a $500 million Arts bonanza.  Tax us more!

Cincinnati faces $34 million shortfall

Dear fellow tax hikers, Cincinnati City Manager Milton Dohoney has informed Council that Cincinnati is facing a projected $34.3 million budget shortfall for 2013.  If there is anything that demands higher taxes, this is it.  Spending cuts are completely unacceptable.  

Shortfall or no shortfall, Cincinnati's #1 priority MUST be to continue building the streetcar.  Sean Donovan supports the streetcar, as does Mayor Mark Mallory, as do we, and you should too.  It's economic development.  Throwing $100 million of rail on the ground for a quick loop through Over The Rhine is economic development, even if nobody can explain how.  

Not only must the streetcar project not get cut, but all spending cuts must be avoided.  We don't want the government to do with less, we want you to get by with less.  Dohoney is calling on City Council to raise property taxes to the maximum 6.1 mills allowed under the law.  We endorse this tax increase 100%. 

That necessary property tax hike would still leave the city $26 million short.  Therefore, we also endorse an Income Tax increase for all Cincinnati residents and workers.  Currently sitting at 2.1%, we would like to increase it as much as necessary to raise all the money that the city could ever need. 

We call on City Council to start working now on raising property taxes and raising income taxes for the common good.  The government needs that money.  You don't.  Tax us more!

Streetcar Supporter Sean Donovan, Part 1

Dear fellow tax hikers, look what we found!  Please read the following editorial from our old friend Sean Donovan, a proud streetcar supporter and candidate for Hamilton County Sheriff.  This is the kind of guy we want watching our tax dollars.


STREETCAR LOOP ESSENTIAL FOR CITY'S FUTURE

We are facing a critical point in future development of this city. Our choice is to continue to lose population, erode our tax base and watch our inner city decay or we can decide to move forward.

The initial loop of the downtown streetcar will create immediate residential and retail development in the core of the city. Both young professionals and empty-nesters enjoy living in the core area of major cities like Boston, Portland, Washington for example. Young people seeking a career will choose a vibrant socially active and safe city to live and work.We must have the foresight to embrace the future. We must not be sidetracked by those who are not interested in longterm successful economic development of the area.

I live and work Downtown by choice. I remember when it was a vibrant thriving center for commerce and entertainment. I know we can again be a safe and attractive place to live,work and play. It will take leadership from business and elected officials. We are close, let's not watch another opportunity pass us by. Get on board the Cincinnati streetcar.

Sean Donovan
Downtown

Al Bundy vs. Ms. Blaub

Dear fellow tax hikers, our post today is a gift to you.  It's one of our favorite videos ever - a scene from Married With Children featuring an encounter between Al Bundy and MS. Blaub.



Note: the actress in this scene is not Tabitha Hochscheid (aka Mrs. CincyCapell).  Tabitha would likely have to lose a ton of weight and gain a lot of personality to be the lady in this scene.

Obese man kicked out of buffet

Dear fellow tax hikers, today we resume our Funny Stories series with a whopper. Odd News Videos reports that a 350-pound man was thrown out of an all-you-can-eat fish fry after consuming 12 pieces of fish. Running low on supplies, the restaurant gave him another 8 pieces of fish and sent him on his way.  Unsatisfied with a mere 20 pieces of fish, this obese man staged a protest outside the restaurant to complain about his shoddy treatment.

Note:  This is not a story about Craig Hochscheid, the portly pig behind the CincyCapell and Richard A. Brockelmann personas. 

We applaud Bill Wisth for standing up for his rights to eat a restaurant out of business.  Obviously the biggest problem in this 350-pound man's life is the lack of food.  If he wants to eat literally every piece of fish this restaurant has, that's his right as an American!  We stand large behind this enormous man and his enormous cause.  

Known racist donates to Pillich

Dear fellow tax hikers, while reviewing campaign finance reports we discovered that State Representative Connie Pillich recently accepted a $1,000 donation from known racist Bob Hagan.  Hagan is a Democratic State Representative who was caught on Facebook using a racial slur to put down a black man who dared to disagree with him.

After this man, who is clearly black, disagreed with the honorable State Representative, Hagan responded with the following racial slur:

I ran against Traficant buckwheat....so take your personal comments and shove them where the sun dont shine

Hagan was very proud of his remarks.  When given the chance to apologize after the fact, Hagan responded with more slurs:

"They are so full of shit,” he said. “They’re so negative, these teabaggers."

That's right!  It's the Tea Party's fault that Bob Hagan used a racial slur.  It's the Tea Party's fault that Hagan refused to apologize for it, and later used profane language to describe the victims of his slur.  It's the Tea Party's fault that he referred to others as "teabaggers", another slur which he hasn't apologized for using.

Connie Pillich has some of her own racial problems.  Earlier this year Pillich insinuated that minorities are incapable of moving out of "the city" without a government program.  She did not appear to believe that minorities can move themselves into the neighborhood of their choice unless there is a white overseer to do it for them.  It should be noted that Pillich herself lives in a community that is only 2.7% black.  She clearly doesn't want "those people" living as equals around her. 

Bob Hagan and Connie Pillich are two peas in a pod.  They want to ensure the minorities know their role, which is basically carrying out the wishes of white Democratic leaders without question.  We are delighted to see Hagan helping Pillich.  While those two are especially paternalistic towards minorities, ultimately they know that all of us need the government to spend our money and run our lives for us.  Preferably, a government run by white Democrats such as them.

Tabitha Hochscheid's new role

Dear fellow tax hikers, we hope everyone has had a chance to read the recent guest editorial by Tabitha Hochscheid.  This editorial contains a very large and recent photo of Mrs. Hochscheid.  WARNING: do not stare at her picture too closely or for too long. 

Tabitha M. Hochscheid (the "M" stands for Medusa) is also known as Mrs. CincyCapell.  Her husband, Price Hill resident Craig Hochscheid, was recently exposed as the bigot behind the fake personas CincyCapell and Richard Brockelmann.  When Tabitha is away at work at her downtown firm Cohen, Todd, Kite, and Stanford to support her household, her husband Craig trolls the internet most of the day making an extreme amount of bigoted and other personal attacks against a wide variety of individuals. 

Tabitha's editorial focuses on the new Health and Well-Being Committee of the Cincinnati Bar Association.  We fully support anything that improves the health and well-being of our area attorneys.  However, we question why Tabitha would be tasked to lead the committee. 

Does Tabitha Hochscheid look like a model of health to you? 

We are definitely concerned about the well-being of someone who chooses to be married to a lazy slob like Mr. CincyCapell Craig Hochscheid.  We want Tabitha to have the finest health and well-being possible.  The best way for this to happen might be for her to consult a good divorce attorney pronto.

We hope this committee can do good for Mrs. Hochscheid and other local attorneys.  We only wish the best in everything for our dear Tab.