Blue Ash honors Sister City Comrades

Dear fellow tax hikers, Blue Ash's Sister City compatriots from Ilmenau, Germany are visiting us next week and we have all been invited to meet them!  On Monday September 29th at 6:00 PM Blue Ash is hosting a public cookout to meet our German guests, and their Councilmen have personally asked us to help drive turnout. 

The Blue Ash Sister City Program is extremely important to us.  Our exclusive report on the $120,000 Blue Ash spent in just 5 years to send Blue Ash Councilmen and their friends on taxpayer-funded junkets to Germany brought lots of new readers to this site.  And, we believe it's a fantastic program and great use of taxpayer funds.

We are greatly looking forward to this cookout.  We just wish it was being held in the $75 million park.

Two Republicans support Kamrass

Dear fellow tax hikers, through exhaustive media efforts it has been discovered that 2 Republicans (out of 110,000 district residents) are supporting liberal Democrat Micah Kamrass for State Representative.

When Royal Doyle Webster and Walt Reuszer speak, you people need to shut up and listen.  200 years of experience would be a terrible thing to waste. 

Now you can put this number at 3.  We at Republicans for Higher Taxes proudly endorse Micah Kamrass too!  We know that Micah is the only candidate left in the race who will work across the aisle to implement The Obama Agenda and provide us the higher taxes we deserve. 

And beyond that, we are PISSED OFF that Jonathan Dever defeated our preferred candidate in the Republican Primary and we refuse to get over it.  If OUR Republican can't win this seat, then no Republican will.  It's time to teach Republican voters a lesson - you work for our preferred elected officials, they don't work for you.

We must never let this injustice happen again.  Nobody should ever be allowed to question a decision made by a Blue Ash Councilman.  If they want to spend $75 million on a park and take taxpayer-funded junkets to Germany every two years, they must be allowed to without question.  Any criticism of their public record is a vicious personal attack and should not be allowed to stand.

Most of all, nobody has the right to run for office against a Blue Ash Councilman and defeat him.  Learn your lesson.  If we have to keep electing Democrats to protect Blue Ash Councilmen from being challenged, then that's what we'll do.  Avenge Rick Bryan - support Micah Kamrass for State Representative!

Wyoming considers income tax hike

Dear fellow tax hikers, we stand with Wyoming city leaders as they seek to raise the income tax by 25% on their citizens and workers.  This money is needed for some very important programs, whatever they are.  Since the current rate is too low, citizens deserve the privilege of giving more of their income to the government. 

If taxes are not raised the city says they may have to cut some police officers.  That prospect should appeal to School Board Party Mom Lynn Larson, who apparently wants her city's police to focus their efforts on black people and leave the "good white kids" alone. 

Even worse, without higher taxes how could Wyoming afford to give away $800,000 of taxpayer money to the next restaurant they want to bring to town?  If they can't afford their own Mahogany's-style deals, then the only restaurants that would land in Wyoming are the ones who want to be there. 

Racial issues notwithstanding, we believe this tax hike is necessary for the good of the city.  Wyoming residents and workers are undertaxed and must be allowed to give more to their government.  After all, Mahogany's is looking to move and Wyoming Council might need that money to get them there. 

No bailout for Mahogany's

Dear fellow tax hikers, it is a sad day in Cincinnati now that Mahogany's At The Banks has served its last meal.  We agree with Councilman Wendell Young that the City hasn't done enough to support them - after all, nothing says "I hate you" like providing a $684,000 grant and $300,000 loan with taxpayer dollars. 

Due to this mistreatment, we are appalled that the City of Cincinnati will not be granting Mahogany's a bailout.  Even worse, the City Manager says that Cincinnati is getting out of the restaurant business.  Taxpayers have provided them with only $984,000.  How can a restaurant be expected to survive with such a pittance of taxpayer assistance? 

Mahogany's and their fabulous owner Liz Rogers has been a victim from the beginning.  Nothing that has happened is her fault. 

We need you, our loyal readers, to tell us who is to blame for the failure of Mahogany's.  List everyone who is at fault for their collapse - as long as you know you can't blame Liz Rogers or her supporters on Council.

Is Northwest Schools racist?

Dear fellow tax hikers, the parents of four black students are suing the Northwest Local School District and Colerain Township Police Officers, claiming that their kids were expelled for being black.  They claim that white kids who engaged in the same behavior as theirs weren't expelled while their kids were.

Since we love tax hikers of all races, we decided to get to the bottom of these ugly allegations.  

Through our top-notch research we have uncovered a key document - recently updated by English PhD Pam Detzel - that backs the allegations of these parents:

This form proves that the Northwest Schools are predisposed to hate black people!  These were good kids who deserved better.  The only reason they were expelled is because they are black. 

Brother and sister arrested for incest

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are appalled to learn that a loving brother and sister have been charged with incest, aggravated sodomy, and prowling for having sex together in a church parking lot.

The incest charge represents discrimination at its worst.  Who is the government to tell someone that two men or two women can't be married two siblings can't have sex if that's what makes them happy.  Government should not be legislating morality. 

These incestors should be able to get married inside a church instead of relegated to having sex outside it.

This sad story renews our call for Real Marriage Equality.  Not only should one man and one woman, or two homosexuals, be allowed to get married, but so should polygamists, bigamists, bisexuals, groups, and incestors.  Any two or more adults should be able to marry each other.  And anyone who disagrees with us is a bigot. 

Cincinnati covers sex change operations

Dear fellow tax hikers across the gender spectrum, we are delighted to report that the City of Cincinnati has decided to cover sex change operations for its employees!

Are you a man desiring to be a woman?  A butch who wants to be a man?  Or maybe you just want to experiment.  If you work for Cincinnati you are in luck!  You can have your very own sex change operation, courtesy of Cincinnati taxpayers.

This change was initiated by City Manager Scott Stiles and City Councilman Chris Seelbach, and signed by Councilmen P.G. Sittenfeld, Wendell Young, Yvette Simpson, and David Mann (or is it David Woman).  Stiles says this move "keeps the City competitive as an employer."

Because we all know that Cincinnati can't recruit workers unless they know they can get a free sex change. 

This policy is said to cover "medically necessary" transgender procedures.  At first we asked ourselves what is a medically necessary sex change but eventually we figured it out. 

If you're a guy who watches QVC, then you have a medical need for a sex change operation.

If you're a woman with 10 or more pieces of Birkenstock apparel, then there is definitely a man inside you yearning to be free.

And if you're a Councilman who spends most of your time whining about others, and subsidizes sex change surgeries while expecting others to subsidize your icons......

We fully endorse this policy.  If you work for the City of Cincinnati and want to change your sex, everyone else should have to pay for it.

What the hell, vote Tarbell?

Dear fellow tax hikers, the race for Hamilton County Commissioner has become even more crowded and confusing than it was before.  A few days ago we talked about The Ghostbuster Sean Feeney.  Now we're talking about Jim Tarbell. 

Tarbell, you see, is so upset that Hamilton County citizens won't get to pay higher taxes for Cincinnati-owned Music Hall that he's decided to run as a write-in candidate.  Four years ago Tarbell ran as the Democratic candidate, only to get crushed by our enemy Chris Monzel 56-44%. 

This puts us in a quandary.  We endorsed Taxin' Tarbell in his losing 2010 campaign.  But a few days ago we endorsed The Ghostbuster for this race.  

We need feedback from you, our loyal readers.  Which of our endorsed candidates do we stand behind? 

1) The streetcar supporter that wants to raise taxes for Music Hall who is on the ballot?
or
2) The streetcar supporter that wants to raise taxes for Music Hall who isn't on the ballot?

Or do we endorse both of these pro-streetcar tax hikers?  Write us with your thoughts. 

The Streetcar's $5 million setback

Dear fellow tax hikers, bad news strikes our beloved Cincinnati Streetcar again.  Yesterday we learned that we are certain to lose a $5 million grant we were counting on to help operate the streetcar.  Now the city must replace this money from their operating budget.  We must rebound.

What better way to deal with this setback than to implement a $5 million tax increase?  Barring that, we can always lay off police and fire employees. 

No matter what, nothing can get in the way of our streetcar.  This streetcar is the most important project in Cincinnati.  We must make sure this streetcar line is a success so we can get busy expanding it. 

Just don't ask us about those Special Improvement Districts that our side promised.  This is politics, and in politics promises are made to be broken.  This streetcar will be a success.  That we promise! 

Ghostbuster for Hamilton County Commissioner

Dear fellow tax hikers, our candidate for Hamilton County Commissioner, Democrat Sean Feeney, has a plan to defeat incumbent Commissioner Chris Monzel.  And it involves reaching out to everyone - especially the Paranormal-American community.   

Yes, it was discovered today that Feeney is a former paranormal investigator.  He specialized in investigating UFO's and ghosts, and was so dedicated to the cause that he co-authored an ethics guide into paranormal investigations.

Has Chris Monzel ever co-authored a paranormal ethics guide?   

What do you do when Hamilton County Commissioners won't raise taxes as high as you want?  What do you do when you hate Monzel as much as we do and can never defeat him?  What do you do about all these injustices?  Who you gonna call? 

GHOSTBUSTERS! 

This story hits home.  One of my spouses was kidnapped in 2012 by space aliens.  Fortunately these were fun aliens instead of the evil ones.  They spent his month of captivity pulling pranks and telling jokes before returning him safely back to Earth. 

This diversity of experience will be enormously helpful to the Feeney campaign.  He won't beat Monzel with just Hamilton County voters.  But once Feeney gets votes from ghosts, dead people, and aliens from outer space he will be victorious. 

We leave you with the theme song for the Feeney campaign.

Stan Chesley ordered to pay $42 million

Dear fellow tax hikers, Democratic super-donor Stan Chesley has been ordered to pay $42 million as a result of his (alleged) misconduct during the infamous fen-phen case. 

"Chesley is one of several attorneys accused of violating ethics rules and skimming cash from clients after attorneys received the bulk of the $200 million fen-phen settlement in 2001, despite contracts with clients stating they were entitled to less than one-third of the money."

Chesley was later disbarred.

He made a name for himself as a super-donor to Democratic campaigns, even purchasing his wife a federal judgeship.  Sometimes Chesley even donated to Republicans - the good ones like Jean Schmidt. 

Chesley may be disbarred, but he continues to be a major player due to his checkbook.  Though now, it's about $42 million lighter.  

$170 million isn't enough

Dear fellow tax hikers, Hamilton County Commissioners sent to the voters a 5 year, $170 million Sales Tax increase to restore Cincinnati-owned Union Terminal.  We are disgusted that we aren't being asked to pay more.  How dare the Hamilton County Commissioners exclude the Cincinnati-owned Music Hall from this proposal and not ask us to pay even more taxes.

$170 million is not enough.  What is Union Terminal supposed to do with a paltry $170 million?  We must pay more.  It is not enough for Hamilton County to restore one building that Cincinnati owns.  If they do not do both buildings, it is a total, complete failure of leadership. 

There was only one plan, and that is the one Bob McDonald proposed.  Bob McDonald said so himself.  County Commissioners had no right to utilize their legal authority to propose something else. 

Bob McDonald is rich.  Therefore, anything he proposes must be enacted without question. 

Because we are so distraught that we may only have to pay $170 million, we are going to leave you with commentary from fantastic folks we admire:

- Dictator Bob McDonald, public relations guru - "There is no alternative plan. This is the plan."

- Francie Hiltz, Cincinnati Museum Center Board Chair -  "This is a total failure"

- Cultural Facilities Task Force - "the worst possible outcome"

- Doug McDonald, Cincinnati Museum Center CEO - "This is disappointing for everybody. There are no winners here."

- Eric Avner, Haile Foundation - "Must be all or nothing."

This is the first tax increase ever that doesn't excite us.  $170 million just doesn't go as far as it used to.