Dear fellow tax hikers, once again we have great reason to be proud of our 2008 Tax Hiker of the Year Virgil Lovitt. Today, Virg, our favorite Tax-and-Spend Republican, criticizes the decision made by our enemy, incoming Governor John Kasich for killing the Obama Administration's 3C rail line. This would have allowed people to travel between Ohio's biggest cities at an average speed of 39 MPH.
Virgil Lovitt knows that the government can do more with your money than you can. That is why Virg strongly supports every tax increase and government spending program that comes before him. Some people, like our conservative enemies, want the private sector and citizens to determine where our money goes. But wiser folks, like Barack Obama and Virgil Lovitt, understand the benefits of central government planning.
The 3C line would have helped Sharonville replenish its supply of prostitutes to help maintain its thriving prostitution industry. Prostitutes struggling to make a living in other Ohio cities could have simply hopped the train and landed right in the heart of Sharonville. We know that Mayor Lovitt will rebound from this poor decision of Kasich's and ensure his city's prostitution industry continues to move ahead.
We have a great suggestion for Virg. We encourage the city of Sharonville to raise taxes to build a state-of-the-art brothel. This brothel would employ men and women on an equal-opportunity basis, and serve men, women, transgenders, and transexuals. The city could turn a profit from this enterprise by establishing a modest tax on all revenues. This would bring new meaning to the term, "gross revenues". This economic development plan could happen without the support of our incoming miser of a Governor.