Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Stop Jason Gloyd for Deer Park Council

Dear fellow tax hikers, we have received news from our good friends that a conservative, Jason Gloyd, is running in Tuesday's Republican Primary for the Deer Park City Council.  You must vote against Jason Gloyd!  They tell us that Gloyd did not seek the blessing of Deer Park Republican leaders before running and that is completely unacceptable! 

Gloyd is the worst candidate running.  He is currently the chairman of our enemy organization, COAST.  They are against raising taxes; we are for raising taxes.  Gloyd fought hard against the $800 million Sales Tax increase in 2007, we strongly supported it.  Gloyd has fought against additional taxpayer funds for The Freedom Center, while we believe that they deserve every dollar they ask for from us.

If you live in Deer Park and believe in higher taxes, you must vote against Jason Gloyd.  Fortunately, there are 3 other Republicans running.  We encourage you to vote for one of them instead of Gloyd. 

We need higher taxes.  We need more spending.  We only want party-approved Republicans, not real conservatives.  Whatever you do this Tuesday, vote against conservative Jason Gloyd.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Marc Monahan wishes death on Shannon Jones

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are enormously proud of the fine work being done by the President of the Cincinnati Fireperson's Union Marc Monahan to fight that awful Senate Bill 5.  This legislation would reform Ohio's collective bargaining laws by putting more power in the hands of our elected officials instead of union leaders like Mad Sexy Monahan.  

Our side is mad and we're not going to take it!  We must fight back in the way that reflects properly on us union supporters.  Marc Monahan is setting a shining example of proud union advocacy with his tactics in this fight.  

On March 2nd, 2011, Monahan posted the following statement to his facebook account:  "Hope F.A. Shannon Jones chokes on a big greasy pork chop tonight."  We cannot believe that Senate Bill 5 could pass in spite of such persuasive arguments. 

We believe that all Ohioans will respond favorably to these union opposition tactics.  We applaud union leader Marc Monahan for his classy and dignified behavior in this important fight.  We can't wait to see what he does next.  Monahan will help us defeat Senate Bill 5 and return power over our tax dollars where it belongs - to union leaders like Marc Monahan who wish death on people who disagree with him. 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Return of Tax Hike Seitz

(Bill Seitz in his union plumber uniform, or is it a full body condom?)

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are extremely delighted with the fantastic representation we have received from our State Senator Bill Seitz this year.  When we named Seitz our 2007 Tax Hiker of the Year, we knew that we would receive the benefits of many, many more years of higher taxes and bigger government.  While he made some mistakes last year, he has earned his way back into our favor with the excellent pro-tax service he has provided to us in recent months. 

The man who we affectionately call Tax Hike Seitz has been hard at work ensuring that we continue to receive the big government that we so deserve.  First, Tax Hike Seitz voted against the awful Senate Bill 5 that we strongly opposed.  Seitz agreed with us that it is union bosses who should determine how to spend Ohio tax dollars, not Ohio's elected officials. 

Next, we know that Tax Hike Seitz has been working hard to maintain Ohio's Death Tax.  There are some evil conservatives out there who want to repeal this tax.  Can you believe that?  Nobody should be allowed to die within Ohio's borders without paying one last tax!  This is our state, and here we're going to tax the life out of you! 

We stand proudly with Tax Hike Seitz and everyone who is opposing the dangerous fiscally conservative agenda being promoted by John Kasich and some other Republicans.  We need to put union bosses back in charge of our budget.  We need to tax dead people.  We want to tax you to death, and State Senator Tax Hike Seitz gets it!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Another Blue Ash Police Officer arrested

Dear fellow tax hikers, today we will discuss the escalating criminal behavior in the Blue Ash Police Force.  Currently Blue Ash Police Officer Jason Lobenthal is facing removal from his job for criminal incidents committed last August.  And recently we have learned that another Blue Ash Officer, William Fritts, was arrested for operating a vehicle while intoxicated and reckless operation. 

We do not believe these developments should concern you tax hikers.  Haven't you all heard - Blue Ash is a "well-run" government!  What makes Blue Ash so "well-run"?  We sure can't figure it out but that's what we've been told over and over again.  We do not care how many Blue Ash employees get arrested for criminal behavior, we are declaring that Blue Ash is a "well-run" government and that's all you need to know. 

We ask the tax-hiking residents of Blue Ash to not disturb their fine City Council with concern about these matters.  Council is spending most of its time on important matters - like building a new performing arts center (30 feet away from Sharonville's), rebuilding the golf clubhouse, building a new superpark, and admiring the new $14 million Rec Center.  What is more important than building new expensive toys when the economy is depressed?  And best of all, these projects are being paid for by a very important 25% Income Tax Hike!  

We applaud the Blue Ash City Council for having their priorities straight.  Raising taxes and building expensive monuments is more important than lesser issues like the quality of the city's police force.  We hope the Blue Ash City Council, and the city's residents, will not allow themselves to be distracted by safety issues like police and fire and keep their focus on what's important - building expensive monuments and raising taxes.