Sunday, March 31, 2013

Judge Robert Winkler disappoints

Dear fellow tax hikers, today is Easter Sunday.  It is also Cesar Chavez's birthday.  We are spending Chavez's birthday doing the same thing we do every other day - complain. 

We are sickened that Judge Robert Winkler issued a permanent injunction against the Cincinnati Parking plan.  We have wholeheartedly endorsed this proposal because it will likely lead to tax increases after two years.  Winkler claims that state law gives voters the right to petition this plan.  We don't care what the law says, Winkler should have obeyed party bosses and lifted his injunction. 

We are sorely disappointed that Judge Winker put the law above the interests of some of his political benefactors.  The City of Cincinnati hired the Dinsmore law firm, which employs Alex Triantafilou and is run by the great George Vincent.  Vincent himself handled this case.  Winkler knew that his political superiors wanted him to rule for the city, yet he went against them anyways. 

This is no way for a Winkler to behave.  We condemn Judge Robert Winkler for having the integrity to rule in favor of Ohio law.  Citizens should not have the right to vote on their government.  We now call on everyone to stop this referendum campaign from reaching the ballot so the parking plan can proceed.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Real Marriage Equality

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are taking the lead to proudly endorse Marriage Equality.  And by Marriage Equality, we mean Real Marriage Equality, not the discriminatory policies being promoted by the gay rights movement.

We soundly condemn the bigoted policies being promoted by the two loudest sides of the current marriage debate - both the gay marriage advocates and the traditional marriage side.  The only issue those two sides disagree on is whether two gays have the right to marry each other.

They would discriminate against us polygamists who want to marry the people we love.  They would discriminate against us bisexuals who would like to marry (at least) one man and one woman.  They would discriminate against those of us who believe incest marriages are as full of love and joy as any other marriage.  If a man and his sister would like to enter an incestuous polygamist bisexual group marriage with their mother and father, who are you to deny?  Keep your religion out of my our bedroom!

Those who are claiming to support Marriage Equality are promoting bigotry.  They believe everyone is equal, except those who aren't.  We at Republicans for Higher Taxes fully support Real Marriage Equality.  We want to marry the people we love - all the people we love. 

This post is our coming out party.  Me and my civil domestic partner are both polygamist bisexual incestors.  We would like to marry each other and my mother-in-law, and gradually add to the marriage as time passes, but due to the sad discrimination we are not being allowed to marry the ones we love the most.  We will not stand for this anymore.  We demand REAL Marriage Equality.  Anything less is legal bigotry. 

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Stan Chesley for ORP Legal Counsel

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are dismayed to learn that our favorite attorney Stan Chesley has been disbarred by the Kentucky Supreme Court.  Chesley has been a huge supporter of higher taxes and many big government programs, as well as a major benefactor to ethical politicians like Bill Clinton, Jean Schmidt, Tracy Winkler, and Joe Deters.  

We at Republicans for Higher Taxes are always sad when our friends get caught doing bad things.  But no matter Chesley's ethical problems, we have already found him a new job.

We strongly endorse Stan Chesley for Ohio Republican Party (ORP) Legal Counsel.  With the ORP poised to select criminal Matt Borges as ORP Chairman, we need to double-down on the outlaw theme. 

Our party can make a serious play for the criminal vote, now largely Democratic, by selecting individuals such as Borges and Chesley to important positions.  We have a tremendous opportunity to send a message to the criminal voters of Ohio - we are with you, we want YOU to come join US.  The criminal vote will soon be ours.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Matt Borges for ORP Chairman

Dear fellow tax hikers, we strongly endorse convicted criminal Matt Borges to be the next Chairman of the Ohio Republican Party (ORP).  Only by uniting behind a convicted criminal can we Republicans finally prove to Ohioans that we are the party that can be trusted to guide our state and nation.

From the Cincinnati Enquirer, 2004:

Borges, 32, of Columbus pleaded guilty to one count of improper use of public office, a misdemeanor, and was fined $1,000 by Cuyahoga County Common Pleas Judge Eileen Gallagher. Court documents said he gave preferential treatment to certain brokers who made contributions to Deters' re-election campaign. 

Following this came Bob Taft's four criminal convictions and the Tom Noe scandal.  By electing Matt Borges as ORP Chairman, we can return our party to the good-ole Culture of Corruption days when we used state government as an ATM for our friends, family, and campaign donors. 

The truth is we need Matt Borges to run our party and we are thankful he is running.  The new Republican Party has to reach out to voters who typically vote Democratic - such as blacks, Jews, Muslims, and convicted criminals.  By putting a criminal in charge of the ORP, we can finally have the street cred to appeal to the criminal element and bring them into the GOP column.  Matt Borges for Ohio Republican Party Chairman. 

Monday, March 18, 2013

Winkler to rule on parking referendum

Dear fellow tax hikers, the fate of the public's right to vote on the Cincinnati Parking Plan rests in the hands of Judge Robert Winkler.  We strongly oppose your right to vote.  We call on Judge Winkler to join us in preventing citizens from voting on the next 50 years of Cincinnati parking.

We believe the ruling will go in our favor, not due to legal arguments but to political connections.  Follow the road map:

- Judge Robert Winkler is the brother-in-law of Tracy Winkler and brother of Judge Ralph Ted Winkler
- Alex Triantafilou is the Chairman of the Hamilton County Republican Party, giving him significant power over the political careers of other Republicans such as the Winklers
- The Winkler-Triantafilou connection is well-established
- Alex Triantafilou works for the Dinsmore and Shohl law firm, which is managed by our good friend George Vincent
- The City of Cincinnati has hired Dinsmore to represent them in this case, even though the City has their own legal department which is fully capable of handling such cases
- Dinsmore has sent three of their high-powered attorneys - including The George Vincent - to personally handle this case

If Judge Winkler knows what is good for him, he will make the right ruling.  Winkler can ignore the law, his job is to do what is right for the Triantafilou-Vincent law firm.  If Winkler dares go against Dinsmore, Triantafilou, and Vincent, there will be severe repercussions. 

We call on Judge Robert Winkler to do the right thing - not the right legal decision, not the right decision for the voters of Cincinnati, but the right thing for Alex Triantafilou and George Vincent. We want Judge Winkler to take away your right to vote.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The Twinkie Returns

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are so excited to share with you that our favorite dessert, The Twinkie, is returning to the world this summer! Ever since The Twinkie left us there has been a giant hole in our hearts, one that no amount of high-fat vanilla creme could fill. 

Returning to a mouth near you

If only we could return Jean Schmidt to Congress.

We have been waiting a long time for this day.  We were crushed when Hostess went under and the Obama Administration refused to grant them the bailout they richly deserved.  The loss of our favorite dessert hurt us more than we publicly disclosed.  Now we feel excited again.  We are willing to wait in line for days to be the first Twinkie buyer when they hit the shelves in a few months. 

Open question - how many Twinkies can Racist Pig Craig Hochscheid engulf in one sitting?  What if they're doused in Vodka?

Monday, March 11, 2013

The Missing Mickey Esposito Files

Dear fellow tax hikers, we need your help.  As we recently reported, our friend Michael "Mickey" Esposito was arrested for allegedly stealing from the Hamilton County Sheriff's Department property room.  But nobody can find the case files!

The Hamilton County Clerk of Courts, run by the wonderful Tracy Winkler, is responsible for maintaining and posting the case information for all adult dockets in the Hamilton County judicial system.  So as our enemy The Whistleblower has repeatedly reported that Queen Tracy was hiding The Esposito Files, we thought he was full of it. 

Yet try and try as we might, none of us can find those files.  We want to help our buddy Mickey.  We want to review his entire case file to figure out how we can get him off these charges, but we can't.  Why is Tracy hiding the files?

This is where we call upon all you tax hikers to assist us.  We want you to find The Esposito Files.  The first who does will win a special mention from your favorite website.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Pass the Parking Plan

Dear fellow tax hikers, we strongly endorse the parking plan proposed by Cincinnati City Manager Milton Dohoney.  As you will learn later in this blog entry, this plan makes it very likely that a big tax increase will be necessary in 2 years.  Because of that, we encourage Cincinnati City Council to pass this plan now!

Cincinnati is facing huge budget deficits in each of the next two years.  To solve it, Dohoney is proposing to trade a significant amount of the city's future parking profits (yes, the city makes big money on it's parking system) in return for an upfront payment now.  Half of that money is earmarked towards plugging the budget deficits of the next two years.  The rest of the money goes to spending projects, none of which are located in the neighborhoods outside of downtown. 

The city would be sacrificing 30-50 years of future profits to avoid making the tough budget decisions today.  In two more years Cincinnati will still be facing unbalanced budgets, but this time they will have significantly reduced parking system profits to rely on.  The city will then have no choice but to pass some big tax increases.  It's a brilliant plan. 

Pass that parking plan today.  And in two years we can all enjoy the higher taxes we so richly deserve.  Tax us more!