Thursday, November 29, 2012

Smitherman re-elected NAACP President

Dear fellow tax hikers, we know you were as dismayed as we were to learn that our enemy Christopher Smitherman was re-elected NAACP President.  We worked to defeat him because of his alliances with conservatives, which have often successfully rolled back our high-tax agenda. Smitherman's inclusiveness of different races and different ideologies is unacceptable and a scourge on the NAACP. 

His opponent Rob Richardson Sr. deserved to win.  Richardson wanted to return the Cincinnati NAACP to their proper role - which is to blindly obey the white people who run the Hamilton County Democratic Party. 

After this defeat, Rob Richardson Jr, a streetcar supporter and obedient Democratic loyalist himself, released the following statement:  "Although we did not win the election, we did confirm that members are demanding more accountability."  Junior should know all about accountability, given his prior leadership role with the urbanist group CincyPAC.

Yeah, Smitherman grew the NAACP from a few hundred members to a few thousand.  Yeah, he's led them from nearly broke to financial strength.  Yeah, he's led a coalition to pass several ballot issues that had widespread impact on our area.  But he still needed to be stopped!

You see, Smitherman doesn't obey.  Under his leadership, the NAACP has been an independent organization that fought for advancement of minorities and fairness for all regardless of whether the Democratic Party approved. 

Even worse, the ballot issues they've backed went against our big government agenda.  It was Smitherman and COAST that successfully overturned the $777 million Sales Tax increase that was backed by legendary tax hikers David Pepper, Todd Portune, Simon Leis, Sean Donovan, Leslie Ghiz, Virgil Lovitt, Tax Hikin' Rick Bryan, and The Great Marc Dann, among many others.  Smitherman and COAST also stopped Red Light Cameras, a Trash Tax, and the sale of Waterworks.  These actions directly violated the wishes of us and the Democratic Party!

With Smitherman in charge, the NAACP will remain an independent organization that won't blindly obey either political party.  But he better know we will be watching.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Jail Tax supporter's law license suspended

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are disgusted to learn that former Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann's law license has been suspended for 6 months.  This unanimous decision by The Ohio Supreme Court followed Dann's criminal convictions for soliciting improper compensation and filing a false financial disclosure. 

We are big fans of Marc Dann.  When we were fighting to raise Hamilton County's Sales Tax in 2007, Dann was the highest-level elected official to endorse this plan.  Attorney General Dann stood shoulder-to-shoulder with other tax hikers such as Simon Leis, Sean Donovan, David Pepper, Tax Hikin' Rick Bryan, and Roxanne Qualls to urge the voters to support this excellent tax increase. 

So what if he's been convicted of some crimes?  So was the great Bob Taft.  And Jean Schmidt also filed false forms and illegally took over $500,000 in gifts from Turkish interests, and she didn't lose our support.  Mr. Dann is being targeted by The Man for his strong pro-tax views.  We believe the voters and the criminal justice system should stop worrying about the criminal behavior of Marc Dann, Bob Taft, and Jean Schmidt and instead respect all of the tax increases they have given us. 

Sunday, November 18, 2012

HamCo GOP's GOTV collapse

Dear fellow tax hikers, we share with you some news regarding the local Romney campaign/Hamilton County Republican Party.  According to a Business Insider article, Romney's local Get Out The Vote (GOTV) effort "completely collapsed" in the final weeks of the campaign. 

Another Republican activist, an attorney in Hamilton County, Ohio who declined to be named for fear of "burning bridges," told Business Insider that the campaign's GOTV organization in that crucial swing county completely collapsed in the weeks leading up to the election.

The local GOTV effort was often referred to as Team 12, which was under the control of our friend Ashwin Corattiyil.  Just because Ashwin was a lifelong New York Democrat until a few months prior to working for the Hamilton County GOP, who spent the 2004 cycle working on the John Kerry for President campaign, doesn't mean that he sabotaged the Romney campaign in the last few weeks.

We know there were those who suspected all along that Ashwin was a Democratic mole who would blow up the campaign at a pivotal time.  The local campaign did in fact implode.  However we don't believe that Ashwin had anything to do with it and neither should you.

More from the article:

In an interview last week, the attorney, one of the "Lawyers for Romney" who volunteered to help the campaign's legal team by watching the polls on Election Day, described how the Romney campaign sent its legal volunteers the wrong training information, failed to provide volunteers with information about where they were supposed to be on Election Day, and stopped responding to phone calls and emails in the final two weeks of the campaign.

"It was basically a disaster," the attorney said.  "They never explained what we were supposed to be doing - where we were supposed to start, where we were supposed to end, what I was supposed to do at the end of the night - they didn't explain any of it.... A month before, you couldn't get a phone call or an email answered."

"Four out of eight of my polling places didn't have a poll observer," the attorney continued. "How you don't even get people credentialed properly is beyond my comprehension."

On the bright side, this sudden collapse helped Our Messiah Barack Obama get re-elected.  However it hurt our efforts to elect Sean Donovan, who was the finest candidate on the ballot.  His loss is a big setback for our GOP tax-hiking movement.  We must rebuild.  In the coming weeks we will sit down with our great friends Alex and Ashwin and figure out how to organize all the GOP's easy-to-lead followers in a manner more effective than this year's effort. Tax us more!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Hostess considers liquidating entire company

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are distraught over the news that iconic foodmaker Hostess may have to shut down their entire company.  As the unions continue their strike, Hostess will announce Friday morning whether to liquidate, and we are afraid they will have no other option.

This is a dark, dark day for the future of food consumption in America.  This bankruptcy will leave a hole in pantries across America.  How can our hearts ever be full when our stomachs will be so empty?

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Hostess to close three plants

Can SuperFat save the day?.........No.
Dear fellow tax hikers, due to union strikes Hostess Brands Inc has announced it will be closing three plants, including one in Cincinnati.  This will result in 152 Cincinnati workers losing their jobs, as part of the 627 workers overall who will now be unemployed. The Obama recovery continues!

Hostess is the iconic company that makes delicious foods such as Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, Wonder bread, and our favorite the Hostess Cupcakes.  We are desperately concerned that these closures could lead to a shortage of these wonderful foods.

While we are concerned, we hear that Craig and Tabitha Hochscheid (the duo behind the bigoted CincyCapell persona) are in outright panic mode.  What would these two fat slobs do without an endless supply of their favorite food group?  Would they resume those oh-so-funny racial slurs they often made before being outed as CincyCapell?  How about those way-too-hilarious anti-Semitic quips we used to see so frequently from them? 

We stand behind these union strikers 100%.  They are striking for better pay.  They are striking for better benefits.  They are striking for better working conditions.  Of course, now that they're unemployed they'll have to find those better wages, benefits, and working conditions somewhere else.  But hey, they're making a point dammit!  We hope they at least get to munch on some good snacks as they protest while jobless.

We've got to run.  Writing this post has made us HUNGRY!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Donovan/Leis defeated

Dear fellow tax hikers, we enjoyed a drunken Election Night as we focused exclusively on celebrating the re-election of Our Messiah Barack Obama!  If you like high taxes, high unemployment, large deficits, and expansive government control of health care as much as we do, you haven't seen anything yet.  Forward. 

It wasn't until Wednesday morning - for us, more like afternoon - we got around to perusing the rest of the results.  You can only imagine the horror on our hung-over faces when we saw that our good friend Sean Donovan was defeated in his effort to become our next Sheriff.  It wasn't supposed to be this way.  Donovan was entitled to that position!  Si Leis himself bestowed it upon him. 

We are crushed by this unexpected defeat.  Donovan was the best candidate we had on the ballot.  Don't the voters know that Donovan wants higher taxes to build the Simon Leis Jr. Memorial Jail?  Don't they know he's one of the earliest streetcar supporters?  Don't they know he's the candidate of the double-dippers and isn't the candidate who wants to cut administrative staff? 

We are still distraught by this defeat.  My civil domestic partner and I have been spending our days shut in with the blinds drawn.  We pass the time listening to our favorite musical selections, which consist of alternating between our Justin Bieber and One Direction CD's. 

We are all hurting, but we must pull ourselves together and move on.  There are so many taxes to be raised, so many new streetcars to be built.  Through community, we can all join together and heal ourselves and each other.  We also wish our very best to Si Leis and Sean Donovan.  We appreciate everything they have done for us.  We dedicate this fitting song to our beloved outgoing Sheriff Simon Leis. 

Monday, November 5, 2012

2012 Endorsement Wrapup

Dear fellow tax hikers, the end of our journey to elect great tax-hikers like Barack Obama and Sean Donovan is in sight.  We have endorsed a fantastic team of big government advocates.  We will recap those endorsements and add a few more so that we can vote for the finest team of tax hikers we've ever seen.

Barack Obama for President.  It is vital to the future of our country to re-elect Our Messiah Barack Obama.  Obama has given us massive tax increases, vast government expansion into healthcare, four consecutive budget deficits of over $1 Trillion, Wall Street bailouts, and an additional $6 Trillion in debt that someday will require significant tax increases to pay off.

Sean Donovan for Sheriff.  Donovan is the finest Republican on the ballot.  His support for streetcars, higher taxes, double dippers, and a large Administrative staff makes him the class of the Republican Party.

Tracy Winkler for Clerk of Courts.  We endorsed Tracy a long time ago and reiterate that support.  We don't care whether the Clerk of Courts office is run well, Tracy doesn't care, and you shouldn't care either.  Tracy hired Jennifer Triantafilou to a Green Township job that she was completely unqualified for, and in return Alex Triantafilou rewarded her with the Clerk of Courts position.  The Clerks office isn't about serving your family, it's about serving the Winkler and Triantafilou families.  Vote Winkler! 

Some Guy Named Smith for Congress.  Brad Wenstrup defeated Jean Schmidt in March, and now he must pay!  We don't know anything about this Smith guy but we want him to win anyways.  Avenge Jean Schmidt!  Vote Smith.

Leslie Ghiz and Heather Russell for Judge.  This race features a choice between 4 lovely ladies competing for 2 spots.  Both Ghiz and Russell are great tax-hiking Republicans who stood with us when we supported Hamilton County's $777 Sales Tax Hike.  These are the kind of Republicans we must elect.

We also encourage you to support the following candidates:

Connie Pillich for State Representative.  We endorsed Pillich 2 years ago and she has done nothing but ratify our support.  Connie has been a great disciple of higher taxes, more spending, Section 8 housing in the suburbs, and taking donations from known racists.  If Connie loses, Racist State Representative Bob Hagan would have to find someone else to laugh at all his racial slurs

The candidates running against Lou Terhar and Pat DeWine.  We hate Pat DeWine.  We have never been shy about telling you how much we hate this guy.  This guy has opposed one tax increase after another and we find that completely unacceptable.  Lou Terhar is another bad guy who we want to see stopped.  We support their liberal opponents, though we don't find either of them relevant enough to merit their own individual paragraph. 

The Democratic candidate for Coroner.  We can't spell or pronounce her name, but we endorse her.  We love her call for a new $50 million crime lab.  Surely that would require a tax increase.  Her opponent, whose name we also can't spell or pronounce, opposes a new crime lab.  We just hope you can find her on the ballot.

Lou Blessing for State Representative.  Lou Blessing voted for Bob Taft's Sales Tax hikes.  Keep a good thing going.  Lou Blessing for State Representative.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Sean Donovan for Sheriff

Dear fellow tax hikers, we give our strongest possible endorsement to Sean Donovan for Sheriff.  Donovan is one of our closest friends and is by far the finest candidate on the ballot this year.  Consider the Sean Donovan record:

1) Stood with Marc Dann, Simon Leis, David Pepper, Todd Portune, Roxanne Qualls, and Tax Hikers of the Year Virgil Lovitt and Rick Bryan to support a huge 15 year, $777 million Sales Tax increase for Hamilton County.  Mr. Donovan continues to speak out in favor of such a plan, which means our taxes will go up if he gets his way.  

2) Supports our beloved Cincinnati Streetcar.  He has publicly and vocally supported this great idea for years - speaking out at County Commission meetings, giving pro-streetcar tv interviews, writing letters to the editor, spreading the word on the blogs, and campaigning against efforts to kill it.

3) Refuses to support a Performance Audit of the Sheriff's Department, as his opponent Jim Neil wants.  Donovan don't need no stinkin' audit to tell him where he's wasting money!

4) Openly operates a liquor license establishment downtown, in spite of Sheriff's Department rules that specifically prohibit employment at a liquor license establishment.

5) Does not support Neil's plan to consolidate the major functions of the Department and cut the ensuing amount of Administrator positions.  That would mean he'd have to release some overpaid double-dippers and we can't have that!  

Not only is Donovan the ideal Republican, his opponent Jim Neil is a horrific candidate!  Neil opposes a tax increase for a new jail.  Can you believe that someone would say no to higher taxes that would allow their department to spend more?  Even worse, Neil refuses to endorse the streetcar.  Neil wants the Ohio Auditor to execute a Performance Audit of the Sheriff's Department, and he wants to cut Administrative staff that is currently dominated by Si's aging double-dippers. 

- Do you crave higher Sales Taxes?  Then vote for Sean Donovan!
- Do you want to spend $150 million on a streetcar?  Vote Sean Donovan!
- Do you oppose an independent audit of a $57 million department?  Vote Sean Donovan!
- Do you want to get drunk at a Sheriff's liquor store?  Vote for Donovan!  (then drink)

We are so in love with Donovan that we are making this our target race for 2012.  We tax hikers must win this one.  In the name of higher taxes, we urge everyone to work day and night to elect Sean Donovan our next Sheriff.