Dear fellow tax hikers, we are in our greatest moment of need. Upon leaving the bar after closing time, me and one of my spouses just got KIDNAPPED by The All-Purpose Scary Black Guy. He's stuffed us into the back of a black-and-white Cadillac. This meanie shouted anti-gay slurs and said if we don't cooperate he'd kill us.
This could be our very last blog entry ever. Please call the polices and let them know of our misfortune. We don't want to die!