Dear fellow tax hikers, we are in our greatest moment of need. Upon leaving the bar after closing time, me and one of my spouses just got KIDNAPPED by The All-Purpose Scary Black Guy. He's stuffed us into the back of a black-and-white Cadillac. This meanie shouted anti-gay slurs and said if we don't cooperate he'd kill us.
This could be our very last blog entry ever. Please call the polices and let them know of our misfortune. We don't want to die!
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17 comments:
Your story sucks. My fake abduction story was better than yours.
We are angry the fake kidnapping was alleged to have taken place in our community. Next time you want to get a kidnapping charge, fake it in the place up north.
Faking a kidnapping will help me get in the good graces of the most honorable, most ethical, and most admired woman of our time! If you don't like Hilary, you are a sexist and anti-gay bigot.
We can't wait for our good friend Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Neil, to tell us how much this escapade cost the tax payers. Actually, we can wait because wouldn't want our good friend Hanilton County Sheriff Jim Neil to provide information that might make our gay activist friends uncomfortable.
This scumbag has soiled the good reputation of hardworking Chipotle burrito makers everywhere.
It's also funny to watch the gay marriage folks disavow this liar as an immature, mentally unstable loser when just a few months ago he was their brave hero leading the fight for truth and justice. Makes you wonder if everything else they're peddling is bullshit too.
I blame those nasty Dever people! Put me on this case and I will prove it.
When you come from the right family and the old man hands you the keys to the family busineess, you sometimes run the risk of being kidnapped. Yet another reason to stay out of the park at night.
Remember when I faked my kidnapping in order to cover up an embarrassing situation in Mt. Adams? You've got the right idea, Mr. Hoover, but you went about it all wrong. Between your failure and Chrissy Seelbach's fake hate crime beating, it's a wonder the gay community in Cincinnati can get anything accomplished. Watch and learn from the master, boys.
There is nothing wrong with a homosexual faking his own kidnapping, and anyone who disagrees is a homophobe.
Apparently nobody cares that your cowardly, unemployed ass il has gone missing!
Those news reporters who woke us up in the middle of the night to accuse us of being behind this kidnapping, questioned if our "harsh rhetoric" may have pushed some unstable person into kidnapping a gay rights activist, and then demanded we disavow violence against our opponents owe us an apology.
You know, the Greeks invented kidnapping...
Wow, this guy is even more incompetent than I am.
2002: David Pepper fakes kidnapping, perps plead guilty and go to prison.
2012: Chris Seelbach fakes anti-gay beating, calls 911 while intoxicated, no one is eve charged.
2015: Adam Hoover fakes his own abduction, gets charged with faking it.
At least Adam Hoover has a job and performs it reasonably well. That's more than we can say for some people around here.
Lefties need to fake the hate in order to justify their armed beliefs and their own moral superiority http://www.fakehatecrimes.org
Our community center is about to close and our very expensive police department is consuming so much of our budget that we wish there was a fake hate crime here. It's the only way we can get some good news because of all the real crime.
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