Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Streetcar picks up more support

Dear fellow tax hikers, our Cincinnati Streetcar continues to pick up support.  This week's CityBeat features an article from German Lopez - not to be confused with the German people, or a German Shepherd - discussing 10 misrepresentations about this important project.  We are going to share some of our favorites.

Misrepresentation: "The streetcar will be full of scary black guys with guns."

This misrepresentation began when a UC student created a questionable photograph showing black guys with guns taking over the future streetcar, and this student tagged a COAST member in the photograph when posting it to Facebook.  Therefore, all of COAST is racist.  And furthermore, everyone who opposes the streetcar hates African-Americans. 

Christopher Smitherman and the NAACP oppose the streetcar.  This means Smitherman and the NAACP hate black people. 

We condemn this misrepresentation and we condemn everyone who opposes the streetcar.  If you oppose the streetcar, you are a RACIST.

Misrepresentation:  "The streetcar won't foster economic development."

The UC Economic Department says it will create economic development.  Therefore it will. 

The UC Economic Department also told us we would experience wild successes from the stadiums, Freedom Center, and casinos.  With their stellar record of accurate projections, who would dare question their streetcar predictions? 

We would like you to forget that the project's projections on the spending side have been very inaccurate so far.  So have their predictions about support from the state of Ohio and private sector.  Just because the short-term projections that can be evaluated have been far off doesn't mean that we shouldn't trust their economic growth projections that go decades into the future. 

And if you do question them, you are a RACIST.

Misrepresentation:  "Buses are just as good as streetcars."

Those unsophisticated (and racist) streetcar opponents just don't understand the power of the rail.  Streetcars are permanent.  PERMANENT.  Just like Cincinnati's first round of streetcars were permanent.

Because this rail is PERMANENT, people know it will be there forever (or until they're ripped up).  It's the Magic Rail Theory.  Just put the rail down and all sorts of benefits will follow.  And if you disagree, you are a RACIST. 

We thank CityBeat and German Lopez (no relation to George Lopez) for this wonderful contribution.  We have repeatedly endorsed a new system of Cincinnati streetcars, no matter the cost.  You should too.  And remember - if you don't support the streetcar, you are a RACIST.


Former Catholic Mike Moronski said...

Streetcars are so BIG and can hold so many of us white young professionals. They're even big enough to perform voluntary abortions, something I will make sure happens when I get elected to Council.

Princess Margaret said...

The streetcar would be a lot more popular, believe me, if you could ensure that none of those fat, smelly, disgusting, inbred west siders would ever ride it.

Kathy Mohr said...

If these streetcars have wifi, I could ride it all day and keep up with my 18 public records requests a day at Colerain Township and read the thousands of pages of documents I receive.

Rusty Nail said...

I am so thrilled to see that Skyline Chili ended their decades-long policy of staying out of political campaigns in order to let Mike Moroski campaign endlessly with their corporate managers and corporate logos so prominently displayed.

Republican Leaders in ORP and RNC said...

The streetcar is exactly the type of government spending we encourage our candidates to embrace. We need to win the urban hipster vote. Just like we need to support gay marriage to win the moderate vote. We also need to support immigration reform to win the Hispanic vote. We definitely should support abortion on demand, paid for with tax dollars, to get the women vote.

In fact, we should adopt the Democrat position on every single issue there is and then somehow people who vote for Democrats will stop voting for Democrats and will vote for us. Meanwhile the people who vote Republican will just keep voting Republican anyway because they have no other choice.

That's why we make the big money.

Tax Hikin' Rick Bryan said...

If you need any more money just let me know. We Blue Ash Councilmen were proud to support the streetcar when we had the chance!

Bachelor Baby Boy Bill Blessing said...

Can I take the streetcar to the park?

Racist Pig Hochscheid said...

Craig Hochscheid ‏@CincyCapell whined:

"Thin skinned flip-flopper @johncranley blocked me. If Johnny can't take the heat on Twitter how's he gonna take the heat at 801 Plum Street?"

No Craig, he blocked you because you're an asshole.

Taylor of Old Bond Street said...

We also find it interesting that Craig calls the kettle fat, I mean black, but for the longest time he blocked others from his very own twitter account. Which coincidentally mocked someone's name, something he also now claims to abhor with a passion.

Sooner or later all that anger is going catch up with the obesity and he's simply going to explode.