Tuesday, January 7, 2014

2013 Turkey of the Year

Dear fellow tax hikers, we know we are very late with this but we sadly have to name the entire Roxanne Qualls campaign as our 2013 Turkey of the Year.  This campaign wrote the playbook for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.  Political experts, including us, determined that Roxanne was the heavy favorite to win.  But she not only lost, she got clobbered. 

We will focus on her worst mistake - not taking our advice.  We implored Roxanne to spend time in the black community.  We told her she had to return their phone calls and emails.  We tried to convince her to run a dedicated campaign in black neighborhoods.  They rejected our advice, telling us that black voters would flock her way once she quoted President Obama a few times and trotted out the endorsements of Yvette Simpson and Wendell Young.

The Qualls campaign clinched their defeat when they refused to take our advice one final time.  We pleaded with Roxanne to repudiate the racist statements of her supporters alleging that John Cranley was hiring too many black people for his campaign.  She had to condemn these racist words.  Black voters would never vote for a candidate who is accusing them of being bought off, especially when Roxanne's people weren't holding white people to the same standards. 

This campaign could have done so much better.  We failed to convince people why the streetcar is the best idea since the stadiums.  We didn't make people believe in the parking plan.  Not enough people knew about Roxanne's pivotal role in helping Bob Bedinghaus implement his stadiums deal.  Streetcars, stadiums, parking - we should have owned those issues. 

Thanks to one misstep after another, Roxanne Qualls pissed away a comfortable lead and turned it into a landslide defeat.  For this, the entire Roxanne Qualls campaign wins our 2013 Turkey of the Year. 

25 comments:

Dumpy Slob Craig Hochscheid said...

Craig Hochscheid ‏@CraigHochscheid 6h

"OMG I'm never taking Benadryl again. I coulndt wake up all day and had strange feverish hallucinations."

How would that differ from any other day? Maybe this affected the rest of the Qualls campaign.

Qualls' Ad Agency said...

What about our awesome ad with the dog peeing on the Cranley sign? That should have won it for her right there.

Councilmember Squeelbach said...

Roxanne Qualls lost because all of the news media in this town buckled under to corporate bullies and backed the big meany John Cranley and his thuggish campaign manager Jay Kincaid who physically attacked everyone who disagreed with them, while they worked with the racist, bigoted, homophobic tea party to run the most dishonest campaign of all time.

Hallucinating Hochscheid said...

He probably dreams he's fit and healthy, with a great job and attractive wife. And that Roxanne Qualls is Mayor.

But alas, none of the above is true because he's a hateful, mean-spirited pig, and most of the Qualls campaign was too dumb to know what was good for them.

Campaign Expert Matheny said...

Roxanne Qualls is a girl after my own heart. Her campaign ended the way all of the campaigns I've been involved with have: a defeat much worse than anyone expected after we spent all our time in a closed-loop effort surrounded by adoring supporters and making sarcastic comments about our opponents. I'm really surprised this campaign strategy isn't more effective.

Rick BRINO said...

If support for the streetcar isn't a winning issue in the city of Cincinnati, imagine what a disaster it could be in a suburban Republican primary. I hope no one brings up my support for the streetcar!

David the Mann said...

I supported Roxanne Qualls for Mayor. I meant to say I supported John Cranley. Or was it Sandra Queen Noble?

I am nothing if not a Mann of my word.

Suburban Sorehead said...

The biggest turkeys of 2013 were the moron voters who believed PJ Sit and Spin's lies about opposition to the streetcar. Did you fools really think that a wealthy trust-fund Ivy Leaguer who raised all this money to spend on TV ads was getting all this cash from streetcar opponents? Heck no, his pockets were being lined by the business community which supports the streetcar.

Biff Clishop said...

The biggest turkeys of 2013 are the Republican voters who continue to live in the Democrat dump of Cincinnati and haven't moved out to our great suburbs like Sycamore Township.

Republican Moderates said...

Roxanne Qualls would make a great Republican candidate for office, if only the party would change its stance on nearly every major issue. Then we could get all the Republican voters plus Democrats would leave the Democrats for the Republicans who suddenly profess to support Democrat positions.

Tax Hikin' Rick Bryan said...

I hope nobody noticed that I attended a campaign event tonight instead of taking care of my responsibilities at the Blue Ash Council meeting.

Chef Boy-Ar-Dini said...

I hope no one notices I am managing Rick's campaign. But when he crashes and burns, my Establishment RINO connections will reward me with an even bigger political prize.

Judge Ghizzy said...

The biggest ^%%@@~ turkeys of 2013 are the @&!~!%&# man-haters in the &@&!(~# Republican Party. I am stuck being a stupid *$&*!#*@ judge because the $^*!^ Republican Party &%@*! hates women and they especially hate conservative women like me.

Mark Mallory said...

I wholeheartedly endorse Rick Bryan in his quest to be a state representative. He stood by me when we needed money for the streetcar and made that airport cash deal possible.

Rick is my brotha from a different motha!

Tim Burke said...

Anyone ever notice how we always get the Republicans to switch their voters, change their allegiances, and go against their own party to help us out, but none of our guys ever help them in return??? Dealing with Republicans on taxes and spending is like Lucy dealing with Charlie Brown and kicking the football.

Princess Margaret said...

I am just so glad that I won't have to deal with any fat smelly disgusting inbred west siders in the next election cycle.

Kevin Flip Flop Flynn said...

I like Turkey. But give me another few days and I might change my mind.

Tracee Hunter said...

It's time for my taxpayer-funded VAY-KAY-SHUN bitches! And you thought Chris Finney knew how to extort money from the gubment, he ain't got nuttin' compared to me!

O SNAP! Punta Cana here I come!

The Former Future Mrs Blessing said...

Miss Tracie, please let me come along, I've completely sold my soul to support you and I am so flipping unstable I can't hold a job in the legal profession in this county either so I don't have anything else to do or anyone else to do it with.

Swinging Cecil Thomas said...

In that case, Punta Cana here I come too! Call the Reverend Al and see if we can put this on the credit card Tracee. XOXO

ER Doctor said...

Anyone surprised that Tabitha Hochscheid may have the swine flu? Fitting for a disgusting pig.

Juan Jilliams said...

Remember when John Williams was in charge of the Board of Elections and he used to tell us there wasn't any voting fraud, only registration fraud, and the great employees there would catch anyone who tried to register fraudulently and kick the application out???

Then he runs for judge against the biggest race-baiting loon in the history of Hamilton County and loses very narrowly in an election he and his supporters claim was decided by fraudulent votes?

Mind you, he lost in 2010, an otherwise great year for Republicans. Republicans won the open DR seat rather comfortably and Republican Pat Fischer knocked off an incumbent Democrat but poor John Williams couldn't close the deal running against this loon.

How this RINO Establishment turkey has any credibility left in politics is beyond me.

Time to Face Reality said...

I heard the Republican Party "leader" argue with PG on talk radio yesterday morning. PG, though half the chairman's age, has twice his intellect, and totally pwned what passes for leadership in the Republican Party. 2014 is shaping up to be a great year for Democrats, thanks to the cosmic ineptitude at Club 700.

One has to wonder how many seats the Rs will hand the Dems on a silver platter this time around.

The biggest turkeys of 2014 will be the Republicans in Hamilton County who are still putting their trust in the failed leadership at Club 700.

Anonymous said...

Humpty Dumpty Hochscheid and Tubby Tabby take the cake...literally.

Rusty Nail said...

The biggest turkeys of 2013 are the idiot voters in Colerain Township who didn't do what I told them to do. They voted against my good friend Greg Insco!!! Can you believe it? Greg was totally cruising to victory and then they started telling lies about my good friend. Why, they even shared PUBLICLY AVAILABLE court documents from my good friend Greg Insco's numerous foreclosures and lawsuits filed against him for not paying his bills. Here is my good friend Greg Insco following his dreams and being an inspiration for so many others and the Republican bigots want him to pay his bills?!?!

Ugh! I am also angry that my good friend Mike Moroksi got smeared to pieces by those right wing hateful bigots in the Republiscum Party and came in 18th place. Mike is a good friend of mine and a man of great character. Those anti-gay bigots in the Catholic Church fired him over his beliefs???? Can you imagine!!! What courage he has for overcoming that oppression and spending the next 9 months on a campaign for public office he should have won except for the smear campaigns launched against him by COAST losers blogging anonymously and living in their parents' basement.

I am so outraged over what happened to my good friends Greg Insco and Mike Moroksi that I changed my name on Facebook to Trent Tenney!!!!