Comrades,
I'm coming to you today to announce some exciting news. Ohio is facing challenges unlike those we have ever witnessed. In times like these, we need real leadership. That's why, after much consultation, I have decided to seek the United States Senate seat currently held by George Voinovich.
Right now, in Washington D.C., we are witnessing the gathering of one of the greatest collections of tax hikers and big spenders in history. Does anyone doubt that I should be among them? It is only right that I take my rightful place next to great Republican tax hikers like Olympia Snowe, Arlen Specter, and Lincoln Chafee. We need Republicans in the Senate who will work with the Obama Administration to increase spending, and enact massive tax increases. I am just the man for the job.
I vow to you to never be outdone by President Obama. If he proposes a tax, I will counter with an even higher one. When he asks for a $1.5 trillion dollar bailout plan, I will respond with a $3 trillion plan of my own. I promise that I will fight to raise taxes on capital gains, gasoline, income, inheritance, savings, investments, and everything in between.
The Federal government needs our money. In fact, they have an inherent right to it. Free market, capitalist principles will find no shelter in a Bob Taft Senate. Remember Ohians, bigger government is always the answer. The more oppressive and intrusive the better. After all, we all understand that politicians and bureaucrats know better how to spend your money than you do.
I will be kicking off a three city campaign tour aboard my bus, The Tax Hike Express. We will start in Hamilton County by visiting Sharonville and Blue Ash; two fine examples of Republican High-tax elected leadership. From there we will move on to the metropolis of Middletown, which benefited greatly from my leadership as Governor.
I hope I can count on your support. I have already collected the endorsement of numerous outstanding Republican tax hikers: Virgil Lovitt, Simon Leis, Rick Bryan, Jim Sumner, Jean Schmidt, Michelle Schneider, Bob Bennett, Jo Ann Davidson, Bill Seitz, Dale VanVyven, and Mary Anne Christie.
With your help, I can do for the entire nation what I did for Ohio. Please contact every good Ohio Republican that you know and ask them to throw their support behind me for the United States Senate. We will need a lot of grass roots support, because I don't think I'll be getting large campaign donations from Tom Noe this time around.
Yours in taxes,
Governor Bob Taft
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5 comments:
This is great news! I've been waiting for a great tax-and-spender to challenge that Rob Portman, and now we've got the King.
Bob, you are my idol and role model. I was proud to support every single one of your tax increases. With me in the House and you in the Senate we can work together to raise taxes on the American people just like we did in Ohio.
I'm Jean Schmidt and I approve this tax increase, because I know Bob Taft is an even better tax increaser than I am.
I am so excited by this news. As a proud tax-and-spend Republican at the local level I think it's great we'll have someone to follow in Voinovich's steps. We need Republicans who will work with the Messiah to raise our taxes.
I just read in the Northwest Press that one of our biggest communities in Hamilton County, Colerain Township, spent over one million dollars less in 2008 than in 2007. It really disturbs me because 2 of the 3 trustees and the fiscal officer are Republicans (supposedly). What is this world coming to????
All right! I can quit pretending to support Portman and support the man whose tax increases I proudly championed. I think Bob Taft was a great Governor; after all, I voted for his entire agenda. He'll make an even better Senator.
I'm hoping this Blog is a joke!
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