(Congressman David Wu, auditioning for The Wu Tang Clan)
(Sheriff Si Leis a couple Cravers short of a value meal? No way. Photo credit to The Enquirer)
Dear fellow tax hikers, we are putting to rest the vicious rumors that either Congressman David Wu or Sheriff Simon Leis are suffering from any mental illness or losing their mental capacities in any way. We have tracked these situations and we declare them to be of perfectly sound mind.
Congressman Wu has made national headlines in recent weeks when it was revealed that his own staff had to confront him over mental issues that called into question his fitness to serve. Just because Wu accused the White House of being "Vulcans" and "faux Klingons" in an eye-popping speech to Congress (you tax hikers want to click that link) doesn't mean anyone should have worried about his mental health. And nobody had the right to be concerned when he sent messages to his staffers in the voice of his teenage children, or claimed he didn't know what pills he took that were given to him by a donor, or sent photos of himself dressed like Crouching Tiger.
Hamilton County Sheriff Simon Leis is another fantastic official who we know is as sharp and sane as ever. We don't think there is anything ridiculous about the above photograph of Leis where he looks like Bob's Big Boy's Ghetto Grandpa. We are not concerned about the vastly rising number of incidents in recent years involving questionable behavior by him and his employees that would cause any normal voter to question the effectiveness of his leadership. We also don't find it strange when Leis left valuable equipment in plain sight in his vehicle while parked in downtown Cincinnati, something that even a rookie cop knows not to do. We were very happy when White Castle replaced the stolen coupons that were taken from the Leismobile!
Sheriff Leis and Congressman Wu are of full mental capacity. That is our ruling and it is final. Their superior mental health allows them to provide the superior service to their lucky constituents that they have grown to expect. In fact, we feel so strongly about strong mental health that we will do our part to promote it. Hereby, we declare March to be Mental Health Month at Republicans for Higher Taxes. We will do our part - and we invite you tax hikers to help us - to promote fine mental health in our GOP tax hiking community.