Dear fellow tax hikers, we are pleased that our great friend Royal Doyle Webster is running again for Springdale Mayor. For your benefit, we have a chosen a great musical selection that is befitting of Doyle's royalty. We would like you to play this as you read the rest of our entry:
We believe this would be Royal Doyle's 27th term as Mayor. Royal has been a champion tax hiker, and shows no hesitation to team up with liberals like Barack Obama to support great candidates like Democrat Micah Kamrass - a far left kid backed by Planned Parenthood, the Obamas, Stan Chesley, and Jerry Springer.
Four years ago Royal Doyle faced a close call. We are ensuring that this campaign will be well-run, which means Doyle will have to select a Campaign Manager from outside the family.
His opponent this year is a fellow Springdale official, Marjorie Harlow. She has no right to run for this position. We are absolutely disgusted that we have to deal with another Harlow woman. What is it with them?
These Harlow women need to learn their role, and it's not challenging men who are entitled to hold office! We look forward to providing the muscle that will re-elect Royal Doyle Webster as Springdale Mayor - and in the process we'll put that Harlow woman in her place.
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15 comments:
We hope Doyle wins and defeats a Harlow even though we were total failures.
Signed,
Kathy Hart
Tom Mohr
I can't wait until you profile my totally non-political self's campaign for Madeira City Council.
My daddy will wipe the floor with the crazy old lady running a nasty and deceitful sleazy underhanded campaign against him. Just you wait!
I did t even realize Doyle had an opponent.
Now that I left those ignorant hicks in the 28th District because they wouldn't let me use them to jumpstart my political career, and bought a home in the City of Cincinnati, I can say what I really think about matters like these. Doyle Webster is a great elected official and I hope he gets re-elected.
Doyle supports abortion, gay marriage, and higher taxes, just like me. That's why he proudly joined with other liberals like Stan Chesley and Jerry Springer to endorse me for State Representative last year.
This Republican lady Marjorie Harlow must be stopped. As I wrote the last time you profiled a Republican Harlow woman, any woman who is a Republican is not a woman at all. Women belong to the Democratic Party. Doyle and I are going to put both of these Harlow women in their place. Got to run. My wife is calling me (from the kitchen, of course).
Nobody should ever run for office who has the same last name as another public official. It's so wrong to build a campaign on something like that.
Ugh! Springdale is almost as bad as Colerain and all of those fat smelly disgusting inbred west siders.
Hey everyone look at meeeee! Now that I put in a shirt and tie and am pretending to be a Republican I am sure to get all those brain-dead Republican voters. I tried a fake Republican sample ballot last time but it didn't work because I was dumb enough to out the only elected Democrat in Cloerain on it with me. But hey I am living the dream. Did you know that I can balance our budget, bring back summer camp and fix our roads and parks all by cutting down on our administrator's expense account? Yep those five objectionable expenses will easily cover miles of blacktop and lots of playground equipment. I hope Springdale doesn't vote for the Harlow lady who will destroy Springdale like the Harlows have destroyed Colerain and Northeest schools.
Maybe Marjorie Harlow can help us solve The Case of the Missing Incumbent. Melinda Rinehart has blown off a Waycross candidates forum and the Colerain business forum. She only appears in public when her boss' brother is there to tell her what to say. We assume that this Mrs. Harlow will not be as afraid of the voters as the other Mrs. Harlow's cronies.
It's not fair that we have opponents and Doyle Webster does not. And don't get us started on Colerain politics.
Whatever. I will keep trying to smear Republicans from behind a fake screen name.
I tried everything I could do to get Heather Harlow voted out of office in 2011, well, everything I could do and still remain in the good graces of the county party, so I had to be real quiet. No surprise then that my precinct and my neighboring one were her worst. Now that Heather Harlow is running unopposed and I am getting tired of spreading the rumors that she is secretly working behind the backs of the party endorsed candidates, because believe me I know how it's done, maybe I can take my talent for suppressing the Harlow vote to Springdale on behalf of my good friend Loyal Doyle Webster, whose daughter did a great job with my good friend Tom Weidman's campaign.
Forget this Springdale crap. We only care about Green Township and wherever those two muni judges are running. And Pappas because he is a Greek even if he isn't on the ballot this year.
Please be sure to read about my awesome detailed plans to improve Colerain Township right here. You can see that I am the man for the job because I am so gosh-darn blue collar and if I am elected I will.... Well you'll just have to read my plan because I am the real Republican in this race because I said so and Galbraith Road took too long to fix even though that's actually a county road who cares.
Doyle Webster is my man, even though he complained about my tax hikes while hiking his own!
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