Monday, December 1, 2014

Dever officially whips Kamrass

Dear fellow tax hikers, the Hamilton County Board of Elections released the official results of the 2014 Election and sadly the news remains just as bad as it was on Election Night.  Our efforts to utilize Provisional Ballots and Common Core Math failed to manufacture a victory for our #1 candidate Micah Kamrass. 


In the end, our enemy Jonathan Dever earned 55.7% of the vote to defeat Kamrass by 11.4%.  We still cannot believe this happened.  Our expert sources assured us that Kamrass would win in a landslide and we believed them.

How could Kamrass lose?  He was being advised by the greatest legal mind of all time Mark Painter AND Campaign Expert PhD Julie Matheny.  He was further supported by wise, angry old men Walt Reuszer and Royal Doyle Webster, in addition to bitter old ladies Claudia Harrod, Barbara Nickol, Kerrie Hollihan, and Christine Weber.

With these incredibly brilliant people advising Micah and all the bipartisan support he said he had, we ask you tax hikers to tell us - how could Dever possibly win? 

20 comments:

Tax Hikin' Rick Bryan said...

November's election? I'm still mad about the May primary election, and I will not get over it!

Trent Tenney said...

Dever won because we didn't turn out enough anonymous, Democratic trolls to dupe people into thinking the entire district supported Kamrass. Now we're stuck with another disgusting conservative in the legislature. God I'm gonna miss Connie Pillich...

Signed,

Rusty Jason

Fat Pat Stern said...

Aw shucks I guess my support for that cute Mikey boy didn't do him much good. Should I have kept my big fat mouth shut? Nah, I have to always remind people how bitter I am that I lost my Sycamore Township Trustee race ages ago.

Princess Margaret said...

Can we finally stop talking about elections now.? It's getting in the way of my extensive social calendar.

KNC51 said...

Yet another candidate in our great Republican Party helped along on the coat tails of Jon Husted' s excellent Secretary of State campaign.

Kathy from Colerain said...

Good move, Pat! Let your anger and bitterness consume you until it nearly costs you your job.

Republican Leaders in ORP and RNC said...

Just goes to show you that the Republican Party needs to become more welcoming to gays, minorities, women, and Hispanics if we ever want to win another election.

Kamrass donor Marc Sirkin said...

I got a confession to make. I'm really a Democrat, but I pretend to be a Republican because that's how you win out here.

WCPOWKRCWLWTWXIXENQUIRER said...

Just you wait. We aren't done avenging the defeat of our man Micah.

Claumydia Horrid said...

Now that I think about it I'm almost glad Dever got elected. This gives me two years to whine about him on a daily basis. I would have nothing in my life if I didn't have Jonathan Dever to complain about.

Physician Heal Thyself said...

Looks like the angry, unemployed anonymous loser coward who runs this blog is the one who is having problems moving on from Election Day. Quit crowing about an election you literally contributed zero towards and go find a job!

The Blessing Dynasty said...

When you have the right last name and the voters still don't realize the old man handed me this seat on silver plater when no one was looking, except for a few delusional retards who actually thought they had a chance, you really don't sweat your re-election campaigns and you certainly won't see any Republicans campaigning for your Democratic opponent!

Chrissy and Krista said...

What are you talking about? This loss by Micah Kamrass has many aspects of a win. Micah ran a very impressive campaign and was the only Democrat in the entire United States of America to hold an opponent to the percentage of voters in the district who are registered Republicans. Micah ran a positive campaign, one that will make his grandchildren proud when they Google him in the future, unlike that nasty and negative campaign run by that Republican who was too extreme and nasty even for the Tea Party.

Inigo Montoya, Newest Hire at the Enquirer said...

You defeated my preferred candidate. Prepare to die, Dever.

Sid Cynic said...

You'll see a white tablecloth restaurant in Colerain Township before you'll see this blog stop obsessing over the Dever-Kamrass race.

Anonymous said...

A white table cloth restaurant in Colerain? Will probably be on S.E. corner of Struble and U.S. 27 with outdoor seating on the north side of it so you can see and smell the dump.

***

The Weber/Hollihan Rant Session said...

Jonathan Devers is a liar for telling the truth about Rick Bryan's record!

- Crybaby Christine Weber
- Krybaby Kerrie Hollihan

Uncle Jared said...

Hey, Micah, when you're showing your grand kids how awesome this campaign was, make sure you include my tweets calling your opponent a thief and a psychopath.

Chairman Pepper said...

Micah's deep-pocketed family, combined with his excellent social media skills, make him an ideal Democratic candidate. The media in this town absolutely love him, just like they adore me. He reminds me a lot of myself.

Crazypants the Musical said...

Opening score..."What's A Practicing JD...Not Me." Guess I'll have to be Micah's next campaign manager.