Thursday, November 10, 2011

Heather Harlow's Haters Eating Crow

Dear fellow tax hikers, we would like to extend our sincere appreciation to all of our tipsters and friends from across Hamilton County.  We were enormously pleased to be able to provide you meaningful coverage in many of this region's local races.  We could not have done this without you!  There is no way that those of us on the writing team could have covered the issues in so many different communities without all the tips and information that our extended network provided us.  We thank you all so much.......

Except for the smelly people from Colerain.  You people gave us bad information.  Thankfully we did enough research on our own to provide the good, quality coverage that our readers have come to expect.

We were assured by our Colerain tipsters that Fiscal Officer Heather Harlow was going to get crushed.  They told us things were so bad that her campaign threw in the towel weeks before the election, and that the local GOP and Tea Party had also turned against her.  Now we find out that none of this was true as Heather was re-elected on Tuesday.

Here is a sampling of the comments we received from the Heather Harlow Haters Club:

"The Tea Party has something special planned for Heather Harlow. Having angered both the GOP establishment AND the Tea Party, is there anyone left who is going to vote for this clown? I think the people running this blog will be very happy the morning of November 9th."
"The Hamilton County Republican Party and operatives such as Buzz Deters may not do a lot of things well, but the plan to throw Heather Harlow under the bus is working so beautifully that she and her hubby can't stop it now and wouldn't even know it if it hit them in the face. Delicious and sweet irony."
 "Harlow's support of Senate Bill 5 will be her undoing. Delicious and sweet irony that she was such a rah-rah Kasich gal and his signature legislation will be responsible for her crushing defeat."
"You guys can let this one go. Harlow is toast. She knows it too. She quit this campaign two weeks ago. No Republican in Colerain Township has seen or heard of any activity from her camp since a few damaging articles in the Community Press. She spends her days trying to suck up to countywide elected officials hoping to score a job in county government after she gets crushed."
 "Jeff Ritter and I figured out how to destroy Heather Harlow's political career earlier this year. The plan is working beautifully. She has helped our cause by saying and doing some really dumb things (like getting out in front on issue 2 and kissing up to the Tea Partiers that actually can't stand her)."
 "No worries. We got this in the bag. Harlow is toast."

We are angry at you Harlow Haters for failing to defeat our enemy Heather!  You haters spent too much time yacking and not enough time warning everyone about Harlow's conservative record.  Now we're stuck with this conservative woman for 4 more years.  And you also failed to defeat our enemy Dan Unger.  Our movement has much work to do in Colerain Township to remove these awful conservatives from office.


K. Mohr said...

Damn I look stupid again. I think I'm going to file 12 more public records requests to blow off some steam.

Thomas H said...

I think I am going to send another rambling slanders email

W. Rumpke said...

You're pissed? I spent thousands of dollars trying. to defeat this conservative woman.

Ashwin said...

She is not my kind of Republican.

KNC51 said...

I can't use my real name because I have an important position at the highest levels of state government.

I am angry beyond words at the developments on Election Day. Township Trustee and longtime family friend of the Rumpkes Jeff Ritter told me they had this all under control and Heather would be defeated. Buzz Deters told me the same thing. He and Jeff had this wired. She was toast.

I needed Heather Harlow to lose so that the Hamilton County Republican Party would clear the field for me to get that state representative seat Lou Blessing stole from me 8 years ago.

Damn, now what will I do with my evenings? I am getting tired of sitting home playing with model trains waiting for my turn. Maybe I'll go out to Brown County. They love me and all the stories I can tell them.

Tom H said...

Kathy, where was all that Tea Party support you promised me?

Jeff and Buzz, where were all those Republicans you said would help me?

And where the h*ll were all those firemen I was promised? Bob?

Colerain Fire Union said...

We bailed on Tom when he wouldn't use our suggested campaign slogan:

Let's Kick the Crap Out of the Fecal Officer

Colerain Township Business Association said...

We've been shut out once again, and for the 5th time in the past 6 township elections.

Our own President was our endorsed school board candidate. He came in 5th place and finished behind a guy who didn't put any signs in a yard and just littered the rights of way with his microscopic signs.

Our former president, a CPA, lost the fiscal officer race to an English major.

Our Golden Boy and 20-year incumbent trustee lost to a girl lawyer who didn't live here until about five years ago.

To try to get our President elected, we had to back an incumbent school board member who opposes the very TIFs we have strongly supported to improve the business district in Colerain. The anti-TIF candidate won.

Our membership is half of what it was just two years ago.

Vacancies on Colerain Avenue and at Northgate Mall are through the roof.

Our member businesses along the south end of Colerain Avenue formed their own group to combat crime because we don't make the effort to work with the township trustees. We didn't endorse the board majority or the fiscal officer, so we have no reason to even try to work with them to improve the business climate for our members in Colerain Township.

Our mailing list was "borrowed" by our former President's supporters who sent an anonymous slanderous e-mail about a two-term incumbent elected official.

We used to have a paid, full-time executive director. Now we have a former firmen's wife on abour 1/4 time, paid hourly, and we haven't updated our website in over a year.

Our organization has a lot of problems, but we don't have any doubt what our next move will be:

Hart-Wolterman-Hughett '13!!!

Tommy & Kathy said...

Nita Thomas is a lying fink! She told us that Mike Wilson and she would spread the word about all the horrible things Heather has done and not done! We gave her DOCUMENTED PROOF that Heather was in the pocket of the Felonious Fiedeldey! And Mike and Nita DID NOTHING WITH THIS INFORMATION!

Really!!! I mean, what's the difference between them and Joe Paterno???

See you guys next Monday. It's our date night.

VP, Heather Harlow Hater Club said...

Oh come on all you fellow Colerain tax hikers. I know we're all bitter about our defeat, but no little boys were raped in the making of this story. The Paterno comparisons are making our side look juvenile, in addition to the bitterness and shrill behavior we've already exhibited.

Large LaVerne Collins said...

I would be happy to eat some crow. I'll try any food once, as long as I can wash it down with some box wine. xoxo

Princess Margaret said...

Ugggghhh! Jeff and Buzz, the cool West Siders, told me they'd take care of those smelly West Siders. What's wrong with you people? Don't you know I hate being around those people. Ugh. Every time I get around them, I need a new outfit.

Alex T said...

You know, the Greeks invented intraparty political manipulation and I am darn proud of Buzz and Jeff's attempts to continue the tradition.

China Buffet said...

Crow so tasty, especiarry randfirr-raised crow so prentifu in Crow-rain Township.

W. Rumpke said...

All that money we spent trying to defeat this lady, and we have nothing to show for it. I guess we'll have to raise our rates on the Sycamore Township folks.

Hart, Wolterman, Detzel, and Hughett said...

And we would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for that meddling Denny Mason and his band of merry twits handing out those pink pieces of paper that the stupid voters of Colerain Township think are Commandments from the Almighty.

Mr. Know-It-All said...

Can you believe this crazy broad pulled petitions to run for state representative even though everyone who knows anything at all about politics on the West Side knows that Lou Blessing's son is also going to run?

Leslie Ghiz said...

I can't wait to write a very large check to anyone who runs against this woman! Supporting low taxes and second amendment rights, while opposing abortion, is not the Republican Party I know and love. Let's send this poseur packing.