Taft Supportz Bortz
Bortz Supportz Streetcars
Comrades,
In my zeal to tell you about Chris Bortz's support of a radical homosexual agenda, abortion, and liberal Democrats I neglected to mention a very important reason for my support of Chris Bortz for Hamilton County Commissioner. Bortz was the primary advocate for Mayor Mallory's wonderful streetcar plan. The Republican Party very unwisely aligned themselves with the effort to defeat the streetcar at the polls this past November. They can redeem themselves by reversing course and choosing pro-streetcar Bortz as the Republican candidate for Hamilton County Commissioner.
Bortz was the very first on the scene to advocate for a streetcar system in Cincinnati. Way back in April of 2007 Bortz was presenting to the OKI Board of Directors about the dire need for a streetcar in Cincinnati. When my enemies at COAST tried to defeat the streetcar in 2009 Bortz was an impassioned supporter of the pro-streetcar effort. Sure, his family owned property all along the proposed streetcar route, but big deal. If we Republicans can't enrich ourselves at the expense of the taxpayers we're in the wrong business.
The Ohio Ethics Commission later found that Bortz's votes in favor of a publicly funded streetcar plan were completely unethical and ordered him to stop. As someone who knows a thing or two about personal ethical failings I fully support Bortz's votes to make more money for his millionaire daddy on the backs of the taxpayers.
When the scoundrels at COAST tried again in 2011 to stop the streetcar with Issue 48 Bortz again opposed them, renewing his long-standing advocacy for a 3 mile $150 million streetcar route. Most Republicans were saying that during a terrible economy we couldn't afford fluff like a streetcar. Bortz disagreed completely, stating, "The economy, when it’s dipping the way it is, is even more of an argument to do it.”
Chris Bortz knows a thing or two about development. He knows that it takes massive taxpayer-funded public works projects with over-hyped projections about the return on investment in order to turn a community around. He knows that streetcars are the answer for what ails every community. I sincerely hope that Chris follows his strongly-held beliefs and advocates for county-wide streetcars once he's County Commissioner. Streetcars for Green Township! Streetcars for Colerain! Streetcars for Reading! Streetcars for everyone!!! It's the Bortz Battle cry! Please, I implore you, contact Republican Party Chairman Alex Triantafilou and beg him to name Chris Bortz as the Hamilton County RINO Party's candidate for County Commissioner. If you don't, you'll never get a streetcar in your neighborhood.
Yours in Unity,
Governor Bob Taft*
*It should be fairly evident to anyone with half a brain that this entry is intended to be a parody post from our former RINO Governor Bob Taft. Unfortunately though, the facts presented in the blog post are all too true.
8 comments:
Streetcars in Sharonville sounds like a good thing! This Bortz guy is my kind of Republican!
If we vote for Chris Bortz can we get a streetcar in Wyoming? I'd like for the route to pass by my house so all the drunk high school students leaving our parties don't have to drive home.
If this is the best we have to offer then count me out.
Bortz it is! I know I would LOVE to have a Blue Ash-Sharonville streetcar to connect the Blue Ash Airport (that is soon going to shut down due to our incompetence) with the Sharonville Convention Center. I cannot wait to raise taxes to pay for this!
If Bortz is in then count me out.
Dear Pissed Off Suburban Republican:
Why don't you get off your duff and run for something? That's what I tell everyone who complains to me about candidates. Or, better yet, why don't you help one of our outstanding candidates instead of complaining about the one or two you might not like?
Princess Margaret is right. The only people who have the right to complain are those select few who run for office. All those who are not selected for higher office by the Hamilton County Republican Party leadership should shut their mouths and follow.
That's right Greg! We're all behind you down here at Republican headquarters. You don't need the conservatives. We can win without them.
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