|(Respect the pole.....)|
Dear fellow tax hikers, this is truly the most joyous time of the year. Yesterday marked the winter solstice, and today we celebrate the most important holiday of the year, Festivus. This is a day where we gather for dinner and air our grievances against those who have wronged us.
Tonight we do double duty. We will start by having a mega-sized dinner with Mega Tracy Winkler. Then we will have another big dinner with Big Verne Collins, where she also promises to share her favorite box of wine.
But we shall air our grievances now! The best part about Festivus is taking the opportunity to complain about others. We hereby declare our grievances against the following people:
- Steve Chabot, for continuously opposing higher taxes and bigger spending
- Heather Harlow, for being a woman who supports gun rights and limited government. She doesn't know her role.
- COAST, for all their work to ban a Trash Tax in Cincinnati and stop MSD from subsidizing the streetcar
- John Kasich, for closing an $8 billion shortfall without raising taxes, making him Ohio's first Governor in generations to oppose higher taxes
- Chris Finney, for suing governments when they violate citizens' rights
- Charlie Winburn, for consistently speaking out against our beloved streetcar and opposing higher taxes
- Tom Brinkman, for helping kill many, many tax increases
- Chris Monzel and Todd Portune, for opposing another Bengals Tax Hike and preventing MSD from forcing suburbanites to subsidize Cincinnati's streetcar
- Pat DeWine, for everything. We will never forgive him for for opposing the Supersized Sales Tax increase in 2007.
- Doc Thompson, for bringing a popular, true-blue conservative message to local radio
- Dan Unger, for getting elected to the Northwest School Board as an unabashed fiscal conservative who thinks the government should live within its budget
- Jeffry Smith, for uncovering many documents that have been used to question Tracy Winkler's competence and integrity as a Green Township Trustee
- Wyoming Police Department, for wasting their time busting people for (allegedly) breaking the law instead of doing more important things like eating donuts
We declare war on these violators.
Afternoon update: We invite all you tax hikers to list your grievances in the comments section.