Thursday, May 8, 2014
Dear fellow tax hikers, we are devastated by the unexpected loss of our Tax Hikin' Rick Bryan to that Jonathan Dever guy. We are so distraught by this defeat that if any of us had jobs, we would have had to stay home today.
How did we lose this race? We were up in the polls. We raised more money. Ricky Baby raised the taxes, jacked up the spending, and took his share of German junkets at taxpayer expense that entitled him to this seat. We even tricked our enemies at COAST to send a last-minute mailer advertising some of the best tax hikes from our 2011 Tax Hiker of the Year.
We were assured by our expert commentators that Ricky had this in the bag. They told us Dever had no support, except for his inner campaign team, who were all idiots. Some even said Dever had quit the race. We lost to that?
This represents another failure of our movement. It represents a failure to properly communicate our tax-and-spend message. It represents a failure of the voters to learn who the great tax hikers are and support their campaign.
And perhaps worst of all, this defeat represents a failure of Mustache Power when we needed it the most.
We now turn this discussion over to our loyal readers. Tell us, why did Tax Hikin' Rick Bryan blow his lead to lose the race?