TP getting skinnier - tragedy unveiled

Dear fellow tax hikers, we have discovered an issue that will disturb you as much as it disturbs us. According to investigative reporter John Matarese, toiler paper is getting skinnier. This is causing problems for many of our fellow tax hikers whose rear ends aren't getting any trimmer.

Note: this is not a post about Leslie Ghiz.

Now we know some of you are saying, "hey tax hikers, what does the size of TP have to do with raising taxes?" Probably not much. However, this issue is of PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE to our many fatass supporters in the GOP tax hiking movement. Because of this trend, there's a lot of fat tax hikers out there who will be suffering a more miserable experience when doing the ole #2.

Listen, when we tax hikers spread our cheeks to take a dump, we rely on having a good-sized chunk of TP there to finish the job for us. Think about this: when Sean Donovan wipes Simon Leis' ass, should he have to use some skinny-sized TP that might crack on him? That would just not be fair.

We're not going to tolerate this any longer! We demand a return to full-sized TP or else we're going to take drastic action. Michelle Schneider has promised us when she gets elected State Senator she's going to do something about this and Leslie Ghiz is intimately concerned as well. With them behind us, we will be taken seriously when we say we want our TP back.