Fat woman seeks to weigh 1000 pounds

(Donna Simpson, a mere 600 pounds)

Dear fellow tax hikers, one of the greatest thrills about leading the GOP tax hiking movement is reading all of the wonderful emails we get from our supporters. The last couple days worth of messages take the cake. Days ago our loyal supporters directed us to the now-viral story about the lovely Donna Simpson, a gorgeous goddess of a woman seeking to weigh a full 1000 pounds to become the world's largest woman.

Note: We will not be discussing Leslie Ghiz in this post.

Donna has a big problem. She only weighs 600 pounds, requiring her to gain another 400 pounds to reach her goal. It is estimated she will need to woof down 12,000 calories/day to put on the necessary pounds. We wish her the best of luck.

Ms. Simpson is an enterprising large woman. She has to be, to pay her $800 per week food bill. Currently she pays for this by running a website where men pay money to watch her eat! We are proud to be the latest subscribers to her site. There is nothing we'd rather do than watch this enormous sweathog eat a week's worth of food in one sitting.

Just imagine the potential tax implications of this fat pig's behavior as she adds to her hefty frame:

1. Once she is tired of having to support herself she will claim disability and go on Workers Compensation.

2. After being classified as disabled, she will go on Medicaid so all US taxpayers can pay for her exploding health care costs.

3. She will also be eligible to go on FOOD STAMPS! Then, we can all pay taxes to fund her enormous food bill.

We at Republicans for Higher Taxes are always looking for inventive ways to pay higher taxes and spend more taxpayer money. Donna Simpson is one of our heroes, for her gigantic dreams, gigantic waistline, and the gigantic amount of tax dollars that all of us will soon be paying to fund her lardass lifestyle. Tax us more!