You may have noticed that it has been a while since I last posted. It may have seemed curious, expecially with so much work to do in support of big government. Rest assured though, I have been working hard to promote higher taxes and spending the entire time.
The truth is that I had to leave the State and go into exile. The Tea Party event a few weeks back combined with the wildly successful COAST event scared the daylights out of the moderate Republican movement. My closest supporters whisked me away to secure bunker deep within a non-descript building in an undisclosed location far from any threats of conservatism.
Fear not though comrades, for I am not deserting you. I simply need to stay alive in order to maintain my political viability. Our movement needs experienced tax hike leaders. The horrifying movement among young Republicans towards the right side of the political spectrum means that the next generation of moderates may be smaller than usual. Luckily, there are plenty of old guard, establishment, tax and spend Republicans that are ready to carry the torch. People like Michelle Schneider, Bill Seitz, Jim Sumner, Virgil Lovitt, Rick Bryan, Jean Schmidt, Bob Bennett, Mary Anne Christie, and of course yours truly are willing and able.
Soon enough, our allies in the media will succeed in their efforts to mischaracterize these Tea Party rebels and COAST renegades as nothing more than hateful, racist, homophobic radicals. It is your duty to help them succeed in this mischaracterization. Only through crushing the tax rebellion in its infancy will it once again be safe for me to return and resume my rightful place at the helm of the Republican tax and spend movement.
Go forth, and spread the moderat Republican message! Resist all efforts by our adversaries to come together around a limited government message! Work with our allies in the media to spread misinformation about our enemies! I cannot return to Ohio until you have succeeded. Please hurry.
Yours in taxes,
Governor Bob Taft