Dear fellow tax hikers, right now our movement's leaders are huddled around the computer crying our eyes out mourning the fact that today is Jean Schmidt's final day in office. We are unbelievably angry at everyone who made this happen. We are disgusted that a conservative military man Brad Wenstrup will be replacing her in Congress. Just because Wenstrup served in the military doesn't mean he knows a thing about service. He isn't fit to hold her laxatives!
During tough times like these, at least we have each other. This post is dedicated to honoring Jean Schmidt and all the things she did to grow our government. And boy, is it a long list!
While serving in the State House, Jean Schmidt was a rubber stamp for the agenda of our great Governor Bob Taft. When Taft wanted to raise Ohio's Sales Tax 20%, Schmidt didn't have to be asked twice. When it was time to raise Ohio's Gas Tax by 27% because gas prices were too low, Schmidt willingly obliged. And in one of her underrated acts, she was the prime sponsor of legislation to more than double Hamilton County's Hotel/Motel Tax, legislation that was backed by 2008 Tax Hiker of the Year Virgil Lovitt and signed into law by Governor Taft.
As a Congresswoman, Schmidt was able to raise taxes and grow spending on a whole new level. Congresswoman Schmidt proudly voted to bail out the billionaires on Wall Street. She voted to axe all of the tax cuts passed during the Bush era, which would have resulted in huge tax hikes for all working Americans. She passionately condemned any cuts in the Food Stamp program, which has seen unprecedented growth during The Messiah's presidency. We are also enormously proud of Congresswoman Schmidt's numerous ethical scandals, to include being named one of the nation's Most Corrupt Members of Congress!
Jean Schmidt has done so much to make us proud. We ask you, our fellow tax hikers, to share with us some of your favorite Jean Schmidt memories.
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17 comments:
I still get light-headed when I remember the time Jean planted a big wet one on me before my State of the Union speech. She was one of my favorite Republicans.
During my first encounters with Jean Schmidt, I thought she was the kewlest person ever in politics. OMG, a woman who succeeded in this tough business by beating several men. She was so fit, too, that was really cool because most women in politics seem to be fat, dumpy, and frumpy. But then, the more I saw of her, the less I liked her. She never acknowledged just how great a job and how hard I worked to support her campaigns in the general elections (never in the primary, we can't do that, you know) and she just seemed so uncouth after a while, I just swore she had to have had West Sider roots. And speaking of roots, ugh, don't get me started there....
Jean, honey, you've got lots of work to do before we can hang out again.
It's too bad the President didn't repay her loyalty by naming her Ambassador to Outer Mongolia or something.
Well, I found Swaziland more appealing than the west side after my humiliating defeat so maybe Jean can join me in the third world.
I thought it was so cool the way she called out that Jarhead Murtha on the floor of the House when she was the newest Member of Congress and was wearing that super-cool outfit with the stars and stripe to show just how gosh-darn patriotic she is.
My second favorite memory of our honorable Congresswoman is the way she wore that oversized Matt Maupin button everywhere she went. That thing was bigger than the headlights on her car, but it just went to show just how much she truly cared about the young Matt Maupin.
I am going to miss her terribly.
Believe it or not, Jean didn't hire me to run her campaign. It just seemed like it from the hilariously lopsided outcome. I blame Alex T and the rest of the MEN in the Hamilton County GOP.
Being so new to politics, I didn't get to know Mrs. Schmidt before she was voted out. Perhaps one day one of her children will serve with me in Columbus because that's how we do things in politics. The old man tells me Mrs. Schmidt was always a reliable vote for more taxes and whatever Larry Householder told her to do. A woman after my own heart.
My fat wife Tabitha wishes she could fit into Skinny Jeans like Skinny Jean can.
We liked telling the truth about Jean Schmidt almost as much as we enjoy telling lies about those Landfill Losers in Rumpketown.
Jean's loss hurts us deeply. Our efforts to suck up to a CongressWOMAN to curry favor for ourselves blew up in our faces, didn't it? I can't believe Sister Jean was defeated by an M-A-N. Even worse, she was defeated by one who served his country in the military.
My favorite Jean memory are all her ethics violations. Turkey for you. Turkey for me. Turkey for everyone.
I had more taken out of my paycheck for FICA today. Thank you, John Boehner and Mitch McConnell.
I learned the County Commissioners are considering a new 911 fee. Thank you Greg Hartmann and Chris Monzel.
Then I see our Republican governor wants to tax gas companies even more, so they'll stop creating jobs and put more Ohioans out of work. Thank you, John Kasich.
Please tell me why Republicans should be elected to anything ever again. I'm sure to hear some blathering about family values, you know, the kind practiced by Larry Craig, David Vitter, Mark Foley, and Bob Mecklenborg.
I'll probably hear something about the unborn, not that they've ever done a single thing about that when they've been in power.
Maybe you'll tell me that they'll protect my Second Amendment rights, conveniently forgetting that every gun control measure ever enacted by Congress has needed, and received, just enough Republican votes to pass.
I am so done with this excuse for a political party, which spouts empty rhetoric that gullible people buy into, so that they can receive enough votes to enrich themselves and their family and friends.
Boy are we losing influence bigtime with the loss of our beloved Jean Schmidt and Streetcar Si.
Maybe the retiring Congresswoman can help me find a job... or help me find out what really happened in the park back in 2006.
Oh man, we hope Jean Schmidt has a very short holiday from elective office. We hope she primaries someone in 2014, maybe Wenstrup or that awful John Becker. Please Jean, hurry back. We need you.
Hey we remember when Jean Schmidt supporter "Campaign Expert Matheny" was imported from Hamilton County to try and knock off longtime County Commissioner Mike Kilburn. Her candidate, Pete Beck, had the money and the support to win but the ineptitude of his campaign mangler cost him the victory at the end. No worries. Pete found another way to stuff his face at the public trough, getting elected state rep-tile three times and accomplishing absolutely nothing for the families, businesses, and schools of Mason.
Now, it looks like Pete Beck found another way to use his position in politics to rip people off.
http://news.cincinnati.com/proart/20130104/news0108/301040113/mason-lawmaker-others-sued-fraud?pagerestricted=1
Jean Schmidt is a woman after my own heart, too. Can you imagine how someone with such an angry, bitter outlook on life managed to get elected to Congress? My scowling and screeching hasn't gotten me very far in politics. I wish someone would give me a half-million dollars for legal expenses so I could file defamation suits agianst all kinds of people.
Hmmmm... let's see, where is Mr. Rumpke's personal phone number? It's around here somewhere, must be lost in this pile of Colerain Township public records requests. Or maybe it's in one of the numerous piles in my office. I'll check that on Monday.
Jean Schmidt supported all of Bob Taft's tax hikes with me, she also took the same Bengals tickets I did illegally. Isn't the stadium such a good deal with all the economic activity these playoffs games bring in? Oh, it's in Houston. Oops. Go Bengals! Hit another home run!
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