Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Heart Attack Grill spokesman dies of heart attack

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are sad to report that the unofficial spokesman for The Heart Attack Grill has died from a heart attack.  Another satisfied customer.  This man practically lived at the bar.

When he wasn't working security at an abandoned high-rise construction site on the Strip, Alleman could be found at the grill, talking with customers and eating a burger.  "He never missed a day, even on Christmas," Basso said. "People just loved him. He connected with people in a real way."

Heart attack.  This is a man who died as he lived.  We envy a man who was able to spend so much time at the world's finest restaurant.

Tragically, this is the bar's 2nd unofficial spokesman to die in their two short years.  The first one was a 29 year-old man who weighed 575 pounds.  He probably didn't pass while dieting.

As all of our long-time readers know, we adore this establishment.  To honor this man's life, we are naming The Heart Attack Grill the official restaurant of Republicans for Higher Taxes.  We will start working tomorrow to bring one to Cincinnati! 

9 comments:

Princess Margaret said...

Ugh, please don't try to bring a disgusting establishment like this to Cincinnati, unless it's on the west side. It would be the perfect place for those fat, sweaty, smelly, disgusting, inbred west siders with horrible table manners. My frenlies in Green Township, or my Kolerain Krew Dennis, Mindy and Jeff wouldn't dare set foot in place like that, but I can think of a couple of other west side vermin who would really like that place.

Racist Pig Craig Hoschscheid said...

Would a bon vivant eat there? As you know, my fat disgusting wife Tabitha and I have a hard time turning down greasy unhealthy food, hence the morbid obesity.

Rusty Nail said...

Maybe all of us bitter, has-beens who used to be important in Colerain Township can start to meet at this establishment and drown our sorrows. We're getting tired of the Knotty Pine.

Campaign Expert Matheny said...

My daddy and I think this restaurant would be a great addition to Springdale especially with so many places closing here recently.

There's Obviously More in Sycamore said...

We should have one of these fine dining establishments in Sycamore Township. It could go in the place that never completely got built because the sweetheart deal we gave developers didn't prevent them from going under.

Deadbeat Evelyn Alice Hochscheid said...

Oh please don't encourage my Craig and Tabby to patronize this place. If they didn't eat so much, maybe they would be able to help me pay my bills.

Republicans for Higher Taxes said...

Craig and "Tabby", we warned you. If you two pigs continue submitting comments criticizing people's relatives who are uninvolved with SW Ohio news and politics, your family will receive the same treatment. If not for your behavior, the above post would have been deleted.

FYI everyone - what is posted above is the tip of the iceberg regarding the deadbeats in the Hochscheid and Maggard families. Want to keep this going Craig and Tabitha? Your choice.

Anonymous said...

I hear the Toby Keith's space at the banks will be available soon. That could be a big 'ol Heart Attack Grill!

Republicans for Higher Taxes said...

Whoa nelly! Check out the latest submission we received from the racist homophobic Hochscheid pigs:

"Whats the matter R4ht, can't you handle the fact that your GAY LIBERAL brother gets more tail than you do? Even it the "tail" in question is his tail, and it's filled with big black cocks?"

We trust all you tax hikers understand why we delete their bigoted comments.