Dear fellow tax hikers, the Culture of Corruption is back! Convicted criminal and serial tax cheat Matt Borges has been elected the Chairman of the Ohio Republican Party. We are delighted to have a Chairman of such strong character. Thank you everyone for your hard work making it happen!
We give special thanks to Former Congressman Bob McEwen for seconding Matt's nomination. We knew we could count on him. This gave cover to some of those Tea Party people who were hesitant to back Borges and helped contribute to his overwhelming margin of victory. We also thank Rob Portman, John Boehner, John Kasich, Mike DeWine, Jon Husted, Dave Yost, and Josh Mandel for doing the right thing by endorsing this professional tax dodger.
Chairman Borges stated that the party needs to do a better job of reaching out to the grassroots. Our website would like to contribute to the discussion.
We ask all of you tax hikers to give Matt your advice. In the comments section, tell the Chairman what you think he should do for our Republican Party. We promise to personally deliver this input to him when we attend his swearing-in ceremony. Welcome aboard Chairman Borges!
29 comments:
Chairman Borges: you need to banish all of those angry, hate-filled bigoted losers from the party. In other words, get rid of those fat, smelly, disgusting, inbred west siders!!!
Hire Ashwin Corratiyil as executive director. You'll improve both the Hamilton County Republican Party and the state party at the same time!
DO everything you can to kick those crazy Tea Partiers out of our party!
Yeah dump those tea people. We have two modest requests:
1) Promote Real Marriage Equality.
2) Get Jean Schmidt back in Congress!
Tell Matt to head down to HR and set those tax withholdings properly, before he becomes my roommate!
Matt, we know you're really a good guy and definitely more like us than those crazies whose votes you need in order to have a chance at holding a position worth holding.
Your support of gay marriage and your Geithneresque skill at not paying taxes shows that.
What you need to do is grab all the loot you can while you can. Lobbying fees, consulting fees, advising fees, you name it. Get all the money you can from the corporations while you can. As you can tell from the 2008 and 2012 elections, more and more voters are abandoning the Republican brand because of the cesspool of hatred it has become.
It's not your fault. It's not even your problem.
However, you know as well as we do that the party of racism, homophobia, and paranoid whacked-out tea partiers who see an agent of President Obama hiding behind every three is not going to be very successful at winning elections... even in this cesspool known as Ohio. You know as well as I do that losing elections makes your party increasingly less relevant. That means less opportunity for you to do some business. So get it all while you can.
With my stellar record, Chairman Borges should hire me to run campaigns in the Southwest quadrant of the state.
Just continue with business as usual, that's all I ask my friend.
Make sure you set it up so that your kids can walk into a real cushy job with no experience, no qualifications, and absolutely no previous experience supporting Republican candidates at any level whatsoever.
Just grow a pair and get the Colerain Township Fiscal Officer, the 24-year-old rookie who stole MY elected seat in 2003, out of office so I can have my old seat back that I earned by holding it for 16 years.
I hope you're a lot better at saying one thing and doing another than my completely non-political self has been during all of my failed political campaigns. Thankfully, the Pepper family took care of my wife and me, otherwise I'd have no future in politics at all. I know, I know, they're DemocRATS. But, believe me, I am such a gosh-darn great conservative Republican. You can tell by the way I criticize all the other conservative Republicans.
One rises to top positions in the Republican Party based on cronyism and nepotism. Merit has zero role. Then when these clueless wonders lose elections, they blame the conservatives, in other words their most loyal customers. Then, they turn around and email, call, mail the bejeezus out of these very same conservatives they've just spat upon.
What a freaking joke the Republican Party has become.
Here's a revolutionary concept for the GOP: work as hard to oppose the Democrats as you do to work against your fellow Republicans!!!! It hasn't been tried before, and it just might work.
Stash several boxes of wine in the office.
Make sure Bob McEwen opens every ORP session with a benediction with his fingers crossed behind his back.
Please, keep giving us none of the credit when the candidates win, all of the blame when the candidates lose, then turn around and relentlessly call our homes around the clock asking for money. I've are sure that blaming the most loyal customers, then harassing them when they stop being your customers, will be a viable strategy. Brilliant.
Ten again, you're not concerned with winning elections, just getting enough votes to keep your legal definition of a major political party so that you can make money as a lobbyist.
I have some really good advice for you Chairman Borges and I'll give it to you as soon as Chairman Alex tells me what it is.
Dude, just chill. These anonymous cowards hiding behind screen names are total losers who are completely meaningless in any political or policy effort whatsoever. Blah blah blah.
Just tell everyone else in Ohio that they all need to become as conservative, as ethical, and basically just as perfect as we are!!!!!!!!!!!
Please improve the party's outreach to blacks and jews. I want them out of my party.
Promote gay marriage. I don't care about anything else, as everyone already knows.
Matt Borges is a career professional who doesn't need any advice from meddling amateurs with nothing better to do than hide behind screen names and blog from their mommy's basements. That's something we expect from the feces-flingers in Occupy Wall Street, not from our great Republican Party.
That said, here is what Matt will do:
1. He will raise a crapload of money for John Kasich and the other statewide officials.
2. Losers like you will either have to get with the program or support Democrats like Eddy "Public Official #14" FitzGerald, Mama's Boy David Pepper, Connie Pillich and Her Expanding Rack, Nina "Free Birth Control is a Right and Showing ID to Vote is RAAAAAACIST" Turner, and who knows who else the Democrats will find to round out the ticket.
3. Don't expect us to get our hands dirty and actually campaign against the people mentioned in #2. That's your job. We'll gladly take the credit when our candidates win, but we will blame you and your hatred of gays and minorities if they lose.
4. When it comes to supporting our candidates, we expect you to do all the work there too, while we show up late to the events you've organized, have drinks with the candidates and flirt with the young babes interning on the campaigns.
1. Get rid of anyone who wants to call himself or herself a social conservative. They want to build an agenda around hating gay people and threatening women and minorities??? Isn't that what church is for???
2. Get rid of the fiscal conservatives who want government to spend less. We need government to be large enough to hand out contracts to our well-connected members.
3. Anti-choicers need to go. There is no room for them in a 21st century political organization.
4. I'm sick of the gun nuts thinking they control our party and trying to influence legislation. The police have guns. Isn't that all we need? Anyone who spouts off about the second amendment needs to go.
5. Lowering tax rates is not workable public policy in this day and age when teachers, police and fire fighters aren't getting the step increases and cost-of-living adjustments they've always counted on. We also need to keep funding those pension systems as much as possible. Anyone who dare suggests stopping this gravy train should be banished from the party.
6. Those bothersome Tea Party conspiracy nuts need to be shown the door. There is no room in our Republican Party for anyone who knows what "Cloward-Piven" means.
After we kick all these people out, we will have the systems in place, thanks to our consultants, advisers, lobbyists and vendors, to ensure our candidates receive a majority of the votes.
End the war! Legalize pot! Let gays marry! Privatize everything! Follow everything Ron Paul says! Because the best way to go from 48% of the vote to 51% of the vote is to follow the people who get 0.5% of the vote. It's like when Pepsi wants to beat Coke at something, they do what RC Cola does.
I'm still waiting on my Sunshine Law document request from Jobs Ohio so I can tell Johnny how much liquor money can be siphoned off to fund ORP campaigns by creating or retaining find business donors.
After all it was Bill BackStabber is 2000 that said "In sum, this court holds that the State Auditor has the statutory authority to issue subpoenas to private, third-party entities indirectly receiving money from a public agency if a relevant link between the two can be established. Otherwise, an underhanded public official could easily establish a web of conduits and launder public money without apprehension. In the interests of good government and maintaining the public trust, the State Auditor must be able to follow the money trail"
I can't give my name because I hold a very important position at the highest levels of state government. What our Republican Party needs to do is to dump the disaster on two feet that is John Kasich and put a real leader and a real conservative on the ticket as governor: Secretary of State Jon Husted.
Well, let's see here. Even though I've never given a cent to the Ohio Republican Party, I received 8 fund-raising calls at home this week, 3 fund-raising calls at work, my kid received 2 fund-raising calls on his cell phone, and I received about 15 pieces of fund-raising literature. You should definitely step that up. I am sure if I had 10 calls at home and 5 at work, and if my kid got even more calls on his cell, and if I got about 20 mail pieces, all asking for money, you'd raise even more.
In fact, please call more often, because every time you call, I get to tell the telemarketers what I think of the Ohio Republican Party.
See, I am one of those socially conservative tea partiers you are constantly saying should be kicked out of the Republican Party. So I tell those telemarketers, each and every time, what gigantic hypocrites and liars the Republican Party is. I tell them about my ONE experience as a volunteer on a Republican campaign (which is how they got my info) and then someone's nephew needed a job. He didn't do a darn thing on the campaign except yell at volunteers, until we all left. He didn't seem too upset about that, probably because his girlfriend could spend more time in his office with him. Did I mention he was married?
Yeah, your party is full of crap.
My advice is to retire now, before someone takes your job away and in 4 months fixes all of the problems that you couldn't put a dent in after 50 years in power.
Keep talking about how Benghazi will lead to Obama's impeachment. Keep talking about how the allegedly-poor response to Sandy will be politically damaging to the President. Keep spreading those stories about him being born in Kenya, being a secret Muslim or a secret Community, or that his father was some other African-American Communist professor, or whatever.
Because that worked so well for you so far.
The Republican Party has gone from an organization capable of electing responsible leaders to a collection of political misfits and rejects hell-bent on peddling conspiracy theories masquerading as policy solutions.
The Republican Party leaders must be on some pretty serious drugs.
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