Colerain BB Gun Bandit to stand trial

Dangerous crime in progress!

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are proud to report that Colerain Township's notorious BB Gun Bandit is being ordered to stand trial to for his heinous crime.  As we reported last month, the dastardly Dominic Gaines posted a photograph of himself holding his kid and there was an Assault BB Gun in the picture too!  That is obviously a serious crime. 

If the Colerain Police were to let this one go, then they would also have to let parents photograph their kids in swimming pools, cars, or beaches and that could be even more deadly.  This is why Colerain needs to raise property taxes for their Police Department.  Without higher taxes, the police would have to stop scanning Facebook for photos of Assault BB Guns and cars, and focus on fighting other crimes.

We applaud our legal system for vigorously pursuing this case.  Everyone should be proud of the Colerain Police Department for their hard work in discovering this crime and apprehending the culprit.  We thank Hamilton County Prosecutor Joe Deters for prosecuting this bandit.  We also thank Judge Melissa Powers for refusing to dismiss this case and ordering the suspect to stand trial.  This is a judicial system at its finest. 

The Harlem Shake

Dear fellow tax hikers, is that Price Hill Racist Pig Craig Hocshcheid (CincyCapell) doing The Harlem Shake?

Keep the Streetcar on track

Dear fellow tax hikers, this has been a very difficult week for us streetcar supporters.  Even some of the most diehard amongst us are starting to wonder if this streetcar is going to happen.  We encourage all of you tax hikers and streetcar supporters to stand strong through these difficult times!

To be sure, the news that bids for streetcar construction came in significantly over budget was a shocker.   Our fine City Manager Milton Dohoney told us construction would only cost $45 million.  Yet the lowest bid came in at a whopping $71 million.  Overall the bids came in between $26 million-$41 million over budget.

Including interest, our streetcar costs just rose another $50 million (or more).

We believe these costs are worth it.  We stand behind the Cincinnati streetcar no matter how much it costs.  Hear us now tax hikers - this streetcar is going to happen no matter what.  We don't care if costs $500 million, we're going to build this thing.

Who cares if costs continue to rise at staggering rates?  We'll just raise taxes!

We applaud our tax-hiking goddess Roxanne Qualls for her steadfast support for this project.  She is going to save it for us, just like she did for the stadiums.  It was Roxanne Qualls who was the face of the Stadium Tax campaign.  She assured everyone that the stadiums would be a great investment for Hamilton County and history has proven her to be 100% correct!  Roxanne Qualls knows that this streetcar will help our city just as much as those stadiums have.  Build it, no matter the cost.

Pamula Thomas for City Council

Dear fellow tax hikers, we enthusiastically endorse Pamula Thomas for Cincinnati City Council.  We hear Pam is about to get appointed to Council and we couldn't be happier.  Councilman Cecil Thomas, facing term limits, has said he is going to step down. 

Cecil wants to fill the seat with a highly qualified person.  And after a long and grueling search, Cecil has found the most qualified person in the world - his wife Pamula.  It's fitting that today, on Valentine's Day, Cecil is giving his wife something special.  Not roses, not chocolates, not tickets to the latest chick flick.  Nope, Cecil is giving his wife a City Council seat. 

Pamula Thomas is extremely qualified for this position.  She possesses the most important qualification possible - she's married to Cecil Thomas.  This is how you keep it in the family. 

Last year we lamented the fact that Pamula Thomas and Tracy Winkler had to run against each other.  They are both so highly qualified for any public office and it saddened us deeply that one of them had to lose.  Now Pam can get what's hers. 

We at Republicans for Higher Taxes believe in keeping it in the family.  Jennifer Triantafilou, Tracy Winkler, The Mickey Esposito Gang, Tom Adamec, anyone named Mallory, anyone named Driehaus, half of Simon Leis' double-dippers, Louis W. Blessing, David Pepper, and more. 

Others work hard and learn lots.  It matters not.  The most important qualification around here is being born or married to the right person. Pam Thomas for Council!

Simon Leis crony arrested for theft

Dear fellow tax hikers, we were dismayed to learn that some of our good friends were arrested for stealing items from the Hamilton County Sheriff's property room.  Michael "Mickey" Espisito was hired by the great Simon Leis in November 2001, and was quickly promoted to property room supervisor in January 2002.  Also arrested were Mickey's wife and kid - you know we love it when the loot is kept in the family.  

This is not the first time Mickey has been accused of using his government position to benefit friends and family. 

Until 1990, Esposito was the chief deputy for the then-county auditor, Joseph DeCourcy Jr., who was convicted of appraising the value of his friends’ property at rates lower than the actual value, thus saving them money in taxes.

Esposito was charged with several misdemeanor counts in the DeCourcy scandal. He was acquitted on some of the charges; prosecutors decided not to pursue the rest.

Oh Mickey you're so fine!

We condemn Sheriff Jim Neil for stating, "This was brought to my attention and I can tell you this will not be tolerated on my watch."  Mickey is a friend of Simon Leis, Sean Donovan, and other Courthouse Cronies, and because of that he is entitled to the utmost respect.  Jim better start showing the proper respect to the Friends of Joe.....we mean the Courthouse Club.  Just because Jim Neil was elected Sheriff does not mean he gets to run the department his way.

We stand with Mickey in his time of need.  Perhaps after all this is done he can get a job with the Clerk of Courts office.  We all know Tracy understands taking care of friends and family.  But for now, let's celebrate our Mickey.

Heart Attack Grill spokesman dies of heart attack

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are sad to report that the unofficial spokesman for The Heart Attack Grill has died from a heart attack.  Another satisfied customer.  This man practically lived at the bar.

When he wasn't working security at an abandoned high-rise construction site on the Strip, Alleman could be found at the grill, talking with customers and eating a burger.  "He never missed a day, even on Christmas," Basso said. "People just loved him. He connected with people in a real way."

Heart attack.  This is a man who died as he lived.  We envy a man who was able to spend so much time at the world's finest restaurant.

Tragically, this is the bar's 2nd unofficial spokesman to die in their two short years.  The first one was a 29 year-old man who weighed 575 pounds.  He probably didn't pass while dieting.

As all of our long-time readers know, we adore this establishment.  To honor this man's life, we are naming The Heart Attack Grill the official restaurant of Republicans for Higher Taxes.  We will start working tomorrow to bring one to Cincinnati! 

Weekend Contest

Dear fellow tax hikers, over the past few weeks we have had to delete a larger number of user comments than usual.  Most of them are from the Hochscheid Hippos.  Some are not, which we believe includes the one below.

For this weekend's contest, we ask all of you to guess the number of grammatical errors in the following comment, posted by user Unemployed Editor:

"At least the Rowan's both have jobs unlike some Colerain familys I could name. Hope the wife doesn't screw her's up anymore, wonder what the wistle blower would say them."

FYI: our working definition of grammatical errors is to broadly include all offenses against the English language.  At this point, we don't need you to spend time correcting the many errors or rewriting it using proper English.  We'll get to that later.  Just submit the number of errors by 10:00 PM Sunday.


2/11 update:  For the benefit of the English-challenged user, we are going to rewrite the above slam using proper English.  A more educated person would likely have written:

"At least the Rowans both have jobs unlike some Colerain families I could name.  Hope the wife doesn't screw hers up anymore.  Wonder what The Whistleblower would say then."

There are some who would say "anymore" should be split into two words.  Some feel otherwise.  We will not tackle that ongoing English dispute here at Republicans for Higher Taxes. 

Colerain voters - pack the house Tuesday

Dear fellow tax hikers, we urge all Colerain Township residents to pack Township Chambers this Tuesday night to support a needed property tax increase for the Police Department.  Colerain Trustees are expected to choose between one of three tax increases - a 2 mil, 1.85 mil, or 1.5 mil tax hike. 

We strongly endorse the 2 mil tax increase. We need you to testify.  Tell them you are undertaxed and deserve to pay more taxes.  Urge them to select the largest tax increase on the table. 

The police need this money to continue fighting vicious crimes - such as the one we covered last week when the fuzz busted a man for posting a photograph of himself, his child and an Assault BB Gun.  Without higher taxes, the police might not have the resources to investigate such terrible crimes. 

What would happen if Colerain residents started thinking they are allowed to take these kind of pictures?  It could get even worse.  What if Colerain residents started taking photos of their kids in a dangerous car?  What about photographing children at the beach or in a dangerous swimming pool?  Or what about Colerain parents who post a picture of their kid in a dangerous elevator? 

Without higher taxes, the police might not be able to investigate such dangerous crimes or arrest the criminal parents who take these dangerous photographs.  To protect our children, we endorse a 2 mil property tax. We need all of you to pack the house Tuesday at 5:30 to make sure your Trustees raise those taxes.  

Colerain Administrator's wife now lobbies Colerain

Dear fellow tax hikers, ask yourselves if you love this arrangement as much as we do.

- Colerain Township's Administrator is James Rowan
- The Colerain Township Business Association (CTBA) lobbies Colerain Township
- The CTBA's new Executive Director/Lobbyist is James Rowan's wife JoNell Rowan. 

So when JoNell needs to talk shop with the Administrator, does she call the Township to make an appointment or does she whisper her business bedside?  We believe James can be trusted to keep the Township's confidential information private, and to not give any inside information to JoNell.  As long as he doesn't talk in his sleep. 

We tax hikers fully approve of this relationship.  Imagine if Michelle Obama was a lobbyist for a health care company to the White House.  It is not a conflict of interest when the Chief Executive Officer of a government is being lobbied by his spouse regarding that government's decisions. 

We give credit to local blog The Quacker Factor for discovering this healthy relationship.  We applaud them for beating us to break this important story.  This story must be continuously monitored, because now when there is a marital fight inside the Rowan household, the entire community may suffer.