Monday, April 2, 2012

Commissioners kill Museum Center tax hike

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are extremely angry tonight after reading the Hamilton County Commissioners have unanimously rejected the Museum Center's demand for a $150 million property tax increase to renovate the Union Terminal building.  This is appalling.  If the Museum wants $150 million, they should get it no questions asked.  It is the Commissioners' duty to raise taxes on command.

Ignore the fact that the building is owned by the City of Cincinnati.  They don't have the money to fix their own buildings because they would rather spend their Capital funds to build a streetcar.  You suburbanites need to pay higher taxes to maintain Cincinnati's buildings so that white urban hipsters can have themselves a streetcar! 

We are extremely disappointed in Commissioners Greg Hartmann and Todd Portune for their decision.  We would be disappointed in that miser Monzel, but we already knew he was a bum.  This guy has viciously opposed every part of our tax-and-spend agenda.  From opposing our $777 million Sales Tax increase, to opposing the Light Rail Sales Tax hike, to opposing more stadium taxes, to opposing a modest Trash Tax, and much more, Monzel has been one of our biggest enemies. 

Commissioner Hartmann disappoints us.  We thought he turned a corner over these past few years and became one of us.  Why wouldn't he want to raise taxes on all Hamilton County property owners to help Cincinnati afford their streetcar?  We are so upset at Hartmann, that effective immediately we have stripped him of the prestigious "Tax Hike Hartmann" nickname that we once awarded him.  He will not get it back until he raises some serious taxes around here. 

We are also very disappointed in Commissioner Portune.  We remember the days when he was our ally, but over the past 2 years he has turned into one of those fiscal conservatives!   Who could have guessed that Todd Portune, in the same 12 months, would say no higher stadium taxes, say no to subsidizing the streetcar, and say no to taxing Hamilton County residents to help maintain a Cincinnati building?  Todd needs to look in a mirror and remind himself the true meaning of Mustache Power. 

We encourage all you tax hikers to contact the Commissioners to let them know of your disappointment.  Tell them they should raise taxes anytime one of Cincinnati's buildings needs work.  Tell them all Hamilton County residents should pay higher taxes to ensure that Cincinnati has the money to build their streetcar.  We are going to continue our fight to raise county property taxes for this streetcar, I mean the building that hosts The Museum Center.  Tax us more!


Slim Mallory said...

Wait a minute! You mean we might have to actually pay to fix the building that we own? To hell with that, we have streetcars to build!

Katy Croissant said...

This is unbelievable! If Cincinnati has to maintain their own buildings, how can they afford to build my beautiful all-white streetcar?

Princess Margaret said...

When the Museum Center is forced to raise private dollars, they'll have to hold fund-raising events.

When they hold fund-raising events, I get invited because they love to have my sparkling personality and beautiful teeth there.

When I get invited to fund-raisers, I have to buy a new dress and shoes,

When I go shopping, I pump money into the economy.

When I pump money into the economy, my husband has to work more hours,

When my husband works more hours, sales of Chinese takeout soar.

When sales of Chinese takeout soar, more illegal immigrants are smuggled in from China,

When more illegal immigrants are smuggled in from China, other minorities move out of the central city and into the west side.

When minorities move to the west side, Other west siders get angry.

When wet Siders get angry, they smell.

When west Siders smell bad. Cool west Siders like John Eby and All my Green Township friends want to come hang with me,


Virg Lovitt said...

I am very disappointed in my good friend Todd Portune. It wasn't too long ago that our mustaches joined as one as we went out raising taxes, jacking up spending, and electing good liberal Democrats. What has happened to him? Since Todd became a fiscal conservative I've had to settle for locking arms with Campaign Expert Matheny.

Bobby Maly said...

Who cares about Union Terminal. Hipsters don't hang out at museums. They hang out on streetcars. Screw Union Terminal, I need to be able to hang out with other creative class people on the hip, urban streetcar!

Tax Hike Hartman said...

That damn Monzel made me do it. I had a deal already cut.

MS. Vicky Zwiss said...

I have a great idea: if the Museum Center leaders have any kids, they should whore them out to Jean Schmidt just like I did! Oh wait, that didn't work so well.

This is what happens when you put conservative MEN in charge of things. They start getting careful with tax dollars. It's going to get worse when that M-A-N Brad Wenstrup gets in there. What's wrong with Hamilton County raising everyone's taxes to pay for Cincinnati's buildings?

Princess Margaret said...

Vix, OMG, girl, you are sooo bitter still... girl, you need to C-H-I-L-L out! What say we meet at Kennwood Towne Centre for some serious retail therapy, and who knows maybe some liquid therapy afterwards! Long past time for you to turn that frown upside down! Cheers!

PS- lose the Pocahontas outfit, mmk?

Lady Liquor Lynn Larson said...

I will not drink to this. Nobody loves paying taxes to repair old buildings more than me. Ok, maybe I will drink - to drown my sorrows.