Dear fellow tax hikers, today is Friday the 13th and it has been a horrific one. The masked madman Jason Voorhees awoke from the dead (for the 28th time) and unleashed his terror on Columbus. By the time the dust settled, our beloved Chairman Kevin DeWine was the victim of Jason's massacre. We mourn the tragic end of Mr. DeWine's tenure as Chairman of our Ohio Republican Party of Higher Taxes.
DeWine was a fantastic chairman. All the taxes he raised. All the Solyndras Ohio has invested in because he supported Bob Taft's 3rd Frontier. All the millions of GOP dollars he spent defeating other Republicans instead of saving money to defeat the Democrats. Everything he did to undermine our awful Governor John Kasich to clear the way for the quick rise of our 2010 Tax Hiker of the Year Jon Husted. We already miss K.D.
On the bright side, former Chairman Bob Bennett is back in charge. While we preferred Sweaty Betty Montgomery, Bennett is a solid choice. Bennett spent 20 years sticking it to conservatives while supporting great moderate, pro-tax Republicans like Bob Taft, Betty Montgomery, George Voinovich, Jim Petro, Jennette Bradley, and Nancy Hollister.
Today on Friday the 13th, Jason Voorhees stomped and slashed his way through Columbus, taking down the legendary Kevin DeWine in his reign of terror. But in this sequel, we tax hikers fought back and turned this horrific day into a positive by installing our old friend Bennett to replace K.D. We survived today's Friday the 13th massacre and will continue our fight against the evil conservatives just as we successfully fought back the evil Jason.