Mickey Esposito sentenced to 6 years in prison

Dear fellow tax hikers, we sadly report that our friend and Courthouse Confidante Mickey Esposito has been sentenced to six years in prison for his role in the Hamilton County Courthouse Crime Ring.  His wife, Allison Esposito, was sentenced to 4 years and his son was previously sentenced to two years for their roles in the Esposito family enterprise.  Per the above article, Esposito tried to claim he was just trying to help his wife:

Michael “Mickey” Esposito thought he was doing his spousal duty when the Sheriff’s deputy in charge of the evidence room brought drugs home to help his wife’s back problem.

Because stealing jewelry and selling drugs are known to have a PROFOUND effect on curing back pain. 

For some reason, the judge didn't buy it and sentenced these three thieves to prison for 6, 4, and 2 years.  The family that steals together serves time together.  On the positive side, at least they'll be able to celebrate the holidays together for the next two years. 

We hope Mrs. Esposito gets to share a cell with Melowese Richardson.  We can only imagine how many things they'd steal from each other. 

We encourage everyone to keep their heads up during these difficult times.  Mickey Esposito is a Courthouse Confidential and Friend of Simon Leis, and because of that he is entitled to respect.  We applaud Tracy Winkler's employee Vince Wallace for the example he has set in giving Mickey the respect he deserves.  All of you should follow his example. 

In honor of Mickey's side job as a washed-up Vegas lounge act, we leave you with a live version of his namesake song, Hey Mickey.

Mickey Esposito and Vince Wallace

Dear fellow tax hikers, it was great seeing everyone at the big Vince Wallace fundraiser last week!  We asked for a huge turnout and we got it, making this year's premier GOP fundraiser a very successful one. 

Vince was kind enough to highlight some of his most treasured guests in a Facebook posting.  Among them was our favorite thief Mickey Esposito! 

Mickey Esposito is a former Sheriff's Deputy, hired and promoted by the great Simon Leis, to run the evidence room.  Esposito was arrested earlier this year and eventually admitted using his position to steal significant amounts of goods.  A family values man, Mickey's wife and son were part of the criminal ring.  Oh Mickey you're so fine. 

We applaud Tracy Winker's employee Vince Wallace for including Mr. Esposito among his noteworthy guests.  Esposito may be a proficient thief - but he's OUR thief.  We continue to stand behind Mickey as he awaits sentencing next week, and we thank Mr. Wallace for giving Mickey one last well-deserved honor for all the good he has done for Hamilton County. 

City Hall scandal

Dear fellow tax hikers, there is so much scandal at Cincinnati City Hall we don't know where to begin.  For once we are actually speechless and suffering writer's block because it's hard to keep it all straight.  To compensate, we'll list the scandals and let you loyal readers take it from there.

- Cincinnati administrators withheld a memo from City Council and the public that was critical of the excellent Cincinnati parking deal.  It says the city is paying far too much in fees for the services they are receiving.

- Cincinnati paid over $300,000 for this consultant, only to suppress his findings.

- The Port Authority first tried to delay the memo's release, then said they wish they had seen it sooner, then drew upon their vast expertise in the parking industry to declare that this $300,000 consultant was wrong.

- The Port Authority refused to allow a Cincinnati City Councilman into their offices to deliver a letter about the growing scandal. 

- Later it came out that the Port Authority's Vice President accused the city of lying about the parking deal all along and wondered why the Port was involved.

- Oh yeah, now the Port wants a mere $27 million from this parking deal for their own projects.   Roxanne Qualls, naturally, supports this. 

There it is.  If you need the links they're easy enough to find.  Take it away tax hikers.  We've got a box of Twinkies to devour.

Important GOP Fundraiser

Dear fellow tax hikers, GOP officials are hosting a huge fundraiser this week and it is urgent that you attend.  Is this a fundraiser to assist the Republican candidate for Cincinnati Mayor?  Of course not - we don't have a candidate for Mayor.  Oh wait, it must be a fundraiser to help the Republicans take back the 9-member Cincinnati City Council.  Nope it's not that either.  In fact, the Hamilton County GOP doesn't even have 5 candidates. 

On July 18th there will be a mega-fundraiser for Symmes Township Fiscal Officer candidate Vince Wallace.  It costs a minimum of $100 and your attendance is expected. 

If you haven't heard of Vince Wallace, you should have.  Last year our good friends Tracy Winkler and hubby, His Honor Ralph Ted Winkler, went on vacation with Vince and Deb Wallace.  Upon their return, Tracy hired Vince to be her Chief Operations Officer for a cool $68k/year and His Honor hired Deb to be his double-dipping Court Reporter.  We have no doubt they were the two most qualified people in the world for those jobs. 

Mr. Wallace is someone important.  He is a Friend of Alex and Tracy (FAT).  Wallace's election as Symmes Fiscal Officer would be an important victory to expand the Winker Empire.   Friends support friends.  And as an FAT and friend of ours, we want everyone to help us make this week's Vince Wallace fundraiser a rousing success. 

Casino tax revenues continue their plummet

Dear fellow tax hikers, bad news on the homefront as Hamilton County has lowered their casino revenue estimates.  This marks approximately the 17th time these casino projections have been revised downward.  

The original casino tax revenue projections anticipated $20 million/year to the City of Cincinnati and at least $11 million/year to Hamilton County.  Now Cincinnati only expects $10 million/year and Hamilton County's predicted take is down to $5 million/year or less.

We do not understand how this could have happened.  Those predictions were vetted and endorsed by the legendary U.C. Economics Department.  Those people are fantastic!  They also told us the stadiums and Freedom Center were going to be economic bonanzas and obviously they were correct.

Just because the U.C. Economics Department's predictions regarding the casinos have fallen apart within a couple years doesn't mean you should doubt their glowing streetcar predictions.  We can trust that their rosy projections about the streetcar going three decades into the future are accurate.  In fact, CityBeat declared that UC's economic projections about the streetcar are beyond dispute.  The issue is settled.  UC's streetcar projections, going decades into the future, are accurate, even though their casino projections were laughably inept. 

Streetcar picks up more support

Dear fellow tax hikers, our Cincinnati Streetcar continues to pick up support.  This week's CityBeat features an article from German Lopez - not to be confused with the German people, or a German Shepherd - discussing 10 misrepresentations about this important project.  We are going to share some of our favorites.

Misrepresentation: "The streetcar will be full of scary black guys with guns."

This misrepresentation began when a UC student created a questionable photograph showing black guys with guns taking over the future streetcar, and this student tagged a COAST member in the photograph when posting it to Facebook.  Therefore, all of COAST is racist.  And furthermore, everyone who opposes the streetcar hates African-Americans. 

Christopher Smitherman and the NAACP oppose the streetcar.  This means Smitherman and the NAACP hate black people. 

We condemn this misrepresentation and we condemn everyone who opposes the streetcar.  If you oppose the streetcar, you are a RACIST.

Misrepresentation:  "The streetcar won't foster economic development."

The UC Economic Department says it will create economic development.  Therefore it will. 

The UC Economic Department also told us we would experience wild successes from the stadiums, Freedom Center, and casinos.  With their stellar record of accurate projections, who would dare question their streetcar predictions? 

We would like you to forget that the project's projections on the spending side have been very inaccurate so far.  So have their predictions about support from the state of Ohio and private sector.  Just because the short-term projections that can be evaluated have been far off doesn't mean that we shouldn't trust their economic growth projections that go decades into the future. 

And if you do question them, you are a RACIST.

Misrepresentation:  "Buses are just as good as streetcars."

Those unsophisticated (and racist) streetcar opponents just don't understand the power of the rail.  Streetcars are permanent.  PERMANENT.  Just like Cincinnati's first round of streetcars were permanent.

Because this rail is PERMANENT, people know it will be there forever (or until they're ripped up).  It's the Magic Rail Theory.  Just put the rail down and all sorts of benefits will follow.  And if you disagree, you are a RACIST. 

We thank CityBeat and German Lopez (no relation to George Lopez) for this wonderful contribution.  We have repeatedly endorsed a new system of Cincinnati streetcars, no matter the cost.  You should too.  And remember - if you don't support the streetcar, you are a RACIST.

Just one week away

Dear fellow tax hikers, by this time next week The Twinkie will be back in stores nationwide!

This truly is the sweetest comeback in the history of ever.  We even learned today that Twinkies will have an additional 19 days of shelf life from it's pre-shutdown version, improving from 26 days to 45.  This just adds to the buildup.  The anticipation is driving us crazy!

If you think we're excited, imagine how porky pigs Mr. and Mrs. CincyCapell (Craig and Tabitha Hochscheid) feel.  Supposedly their Price Hill neighbors have been hearing the Oinks of Joy for days. 

We're down to one final week of withdrawal before our favorite dessert is back.  Follow the official countdown here.  We've gotta get going now - we have to prepare for the Sunday evening campout so we can be first in line to experience the comeback.

Real Marriage Equality - one step closer

Dear fellow tax hikers, there is one reason and one reason only that we are excited by the recent gay marriage rulings from the U.S. Supreme Court - we are now closer than ever to Real Marriage Equality. 

This revolutionary concept is distinguished from gay marriage/marriage equality in that it is the only marriage policy that is non-discriminatory.  Real Marriage Equality means that any two adults or group of adults, related or not, have the right to enter a lawful marriage.  This not only includes straight and gay marriages between two people, but it includes bisexual marriages between three people, group marriage, polygamy, and incest marriages.

Every time a U.S. Court rules in favor of gay marriage, they lay the ground work for Real Marriage Equality.  ALL of the arguments that support judicial-mandated gay marriage also apply to this.  Once the Courts say that gay marriage is required because of equality, then all other non-traditional marriages must be allowed as well.  Equality means equality. 

Already this is being recognized.  In fact, a local conservative State Representative has just admitted it! 

Could there be any real doubt in anyone’s mind that polygamy will become a reality in this country and sooner rather than later?  If you consider the arguments in favor of so-called “gay marriage,” the identical arguments could be applied to polygamy.  

That's precisely what we have been saying!  All of the arguments that could be used against Real Marriage Equality have already been tried against gay marriage, and they have been rejected. 

We challenge any of our readers - tell us why gay marriage/marriage equality should be legal but Real Marriage Equality should not!  You can't.  Real Marriage Equality is coming.  Soon. 

$17 million more for streetcar

Dear fellow tax hikers, we have great news to share.  This week Cincinnati City Council will be approving another $17 million for our beloved Cincinnati Streetcar!  This vote will occur tomorrow and Wednesday. 

We can exclusively report that it has already passed - likely on a 6-3 vote.  We strongly endorse its passage.

The three no votes will be streetcar opponents Christopher Smitherman and Charlie Winburn, along with Presidential candidate P.G. Sittenfeld.  P.G. says he's for the streetcar when speaking to certain streetcar supporters, but he feels he can't have the streetcar on his record when he runs for County Commissioner next year and for President in 2040.

Automatic yes votes include Mallory yes-men Roxanne Qualls and Laure Quinlivan, along with the ultra-obedient Councilmen Wendell Young and Yvette Simpson.  The latter two, in particular, would not dare question the Mallory administration and will gladly cast their yes vote as ordered. 

That leaves Pamula Thomas and Chris Seelbach.  As we have already covered, Pam Thomas is voting yes.  She knows she is not allowed to make up her own mind.  That was a condition for being appointed to Council.  She has been ordered to vote yes and that is what she will do.

That leaves City Councilman Chris Seelbach, a City Councilman on Cincinnati City Council.  City Councilman Seelbach has been lobbied heavily by the downtown urban hipsters, and he knows he can't get re-elected without their 45 votes.  City Councilman Seelbach will do the same thing he usually does - pretend to show concern about the costs to appease one side, while still making sure it passes so he doesn't risk upsetting Mallory and Qualls. 

This is what City Councilman Seelbach did on the Parking Plan.  He voted Yes to make it a 6-3 vote in favor of making it Emergency legislation, which made it referendum-proof.  Then after he saw the legislation had 5 votes for passage, he voted against it on the final vote.  City Councilman Seelbach voted for it before he voted against it.  He made sure it passed and was referendum-proof. 

Expect City Councilman Seelbach to take a similar approach to the streetcar vote.  Under no circumstances will he be a vote that kills this important streetcar funding.  We applaud City Councilman Seelbach and the rest of Council for the blank check they have provided for this important streetcar.

Pamula Thomas wavers on streetcar

Dear fellow tax hikers, as we are putting together the 5 votes necessary to authorize at least another $17 million for our beloved Cincinnati Streetcar, we have been presented with the news that Councilman Pamula Thomas is undecided on this important decision.  There is no need to panic.  We own her vote and she WILL be voting for these funds. 

Councilman Thomas knows that she is not allowed to make up her own mind.  She was placed on Council with explicit instructions to blindly obey Mayor Mark Mallory and Roxanne Qualls and that's exactly what she's going to do.  Nobody is allowing her to make up her own mind.

Besides, her stated concerns are all unjustified.  For example, there is this passage from the WLWT article:

She expressed her concern again Thursday about making sure taxpayers aren't burdened by the project and questioned the long-term viability of what's planned.

This is not a burden for the taxpayers.  If money is ever short, the answer is easy - just raise taxes!

"Another concern is the ridership and the sustainability of the streetcar," Thomas said. "How is it going to sustain itself?"

We don't care about no stinkin' ridership!  If the streetcar can't sustain itself, we'll just raise taxes to cover the operations shortfall.

Councilman Thomas knows that her concerns are invalid.  The streetcar is not a burden and taxes can always be raised.  We endorse this streetcar, no matter the cost.  And Pamula Thomas feels the same way, because that is the position she has been ordered to take.

Open thread - what is a loyal Republican

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are picking up on a theme that was discussed in the comments section of our last post - loyalty.  We need reader participation for this discussion.

So we ask all you loyal tax hikers to tell us:  What is a loyal Republican?

Legal threat

Dear fellow tax hikers, we have been informed that we might be in danger of facing litigation because CincyCapell's wife was referred to here as a "pig".  We are just shaking in our boots.  You all can be the judge. 

Here she is, Mrs. America:

Mrs. CincyCapell is the red-headed blob in the middle.  She's sitting next to everyone. 

For a closer look:

Maybe someone can hire Stan Chesley to sue us.  We are so scared.

Mr. and Mrs. H, we invite you to continue picking fights with us.  Because we get so much enjoyment out of crafting our responses.  Oink Oink piggies.