Farewell, fine mustaches

Dear fellow tax hikers, we have been crying our eyes out all day knowing that two of our best tax hikers are hours away from having their public careers forcibly ended.  Tax Hikin' Rick Bryan and Jim Sumner will no longer be Blue Ash Councilmen as of midnight tonight.  Sumner was defeated in a landslide and Bryan lost to a dude named Pramod Jhaveri. 

These are two of the finest mustaches you'll ever see.  They will be greatly missed.  This is a sad day, but at least we can suffer it together as one big tax-hiking community.  Let's think of the good times.

Tell us, what are some of your favorite Rick Bryan and Jim Sumner moments. Was it their excellent tax increases?  Their support for tax-and-spend candidates?  Their arrogance that grew larger each year?

Share your thoughts with the community.  And join us for..........The Final Countdown.

Rick Bryan and Jim Sumner defeated

Dear fellow tax hikers, what the hell just happened?  We thought tonight was going to be great.  Royal Doyle Webster was re-elected (for the 20th time) as he zooms in on Strom Thurmond's record in elected office.  And we were ready to raise some taxes and smoke dope. 

Then we got smacked in the head with a piano falling from the sky.  We lost one of our greatest friends ever, Blue Ash Councilman Tax Hikin' Rick Bryan.  Even worse, his fellow mustache Jim Sumner was also defeated.  And we're just too hurt to say anything about the defeat of the Cincinnati Parks Tax. 

How did Ricky and Jim lose to a couple newbies who barely campaigned?  We are so distraught by these defeats that we will be spending the rest of the night listening to the new Justin Bieber CD.  But if all you tax hikers need a safe space to comfort each other, please open up and share your thoughts in the comments section.

Doyle Webster publishes brutal attack on Colerain Township

Dear fellow tax hikers, this Friday morning Springdale Mayor Doyle Webster posted on his website a piercing attack against Colerain Township.  Read the rant for yourself:

We applaud Royal Doyle Webster for telling it like it is.  This is how a Mayor represents his city!  We can think of no better way to bring Springdale the many improvements it needs than to launch a blistering attack against your neighboring communities. 

Royal Doyle is 100% right.  Colerain Township is jealous of Springdale.  We all are.  Who wouldn't want to experience their plethora of $90,000 houses, fast food joints, trailer parks, vacant business sites, and poorly-managed office complexes?  And if we re-elect Royal this Tuesday, Springdale can continue moving further in this positive direction.

Doyle Webster's Dirty Needles

Dear fellow tax hikers, of the many things we love about Springdale Mayor "Royal" Doyle Webster, one of our favorites is the drug needle exchange program he brought to Springdale. 

Springdale Mayor Doyle Webster and a majority of city council members agreed last summer to allow Cincinnati Exchange in their community

We want to be clear about something - these drug needles are for drug addicts only, and not for Royal Doyle or any erratic members of His Royal Family. 

This program is good for the Springdale economy.  When these drug addicts converge on Springdale for their free supplies, we believe many of them will hang around and spend some money in local Springdale businesses - virtually zero of which are based in a poorly-managed office park. 

Fifty-one people, all white, participated in the first seven weeks, Harrison said. Eighty percent were men; the median age was 32. One person came seven times, most came once or just a few times.

See, this program quickly brought Springdale exactly what it needs - an infusion of good, young, white, drug addicts to build the next generation of city leaders.  This is Royal Doyle's leadership at its finest.  We need to re-elect Doyle Webster to get four more years of these progressive, wonderful government programs. 

Doyle Webster to Council: Pay Me

Dear fellow tax hikers, often people are trying to extend their compliments to an elected official by referring to them as "selfless".  Whatever.  One of the things we like most about Springdale Mayor "Royal" Doyle Webster is that he never hesitates to put himself first. 

When Royal Doyle was being paid a mere $12,000/year to be the ceremonial Mayor and wanted more, he took action. Royal demanded that Council give him a 50% pay raise, whether it was legal or not.  Did you get a 50% raise? 

The Ohio Ethics Commission has said it's illegal for elected officials to vote themselves an in-term pay increase. It could cloud decisions about whether the raise would be in a city's best interest, the commission has said. It also denies voters the chance when they go to the polls to know what their representatives will earn.

Royal Doyle wanted his money, he wanted it NOW, and he didn't want no stinkin' voters having their say. 

As for allowing residents to vote on the issue, Mr. Webster said he's against it.

Not only does Doyle look out for himself at City Hall, he looks after his immediately family too.  In 2009 he tried to install his daughter, the legendary Campaign Expert PhD Julie Matheny, on Springdale Council.  Sadly she lost in a landslide, making her roughly the only Republican in Hamilton County unable to get elected on the back of an established family name. 

But at least Royal Doyle got his pay raise!  We applaud Doyle for his dedication - to himself, to his family, and to raising taxes.  We encourage everyone visiting Springdale to avoid the most dangerous places there - and the most unsafe place by far is between Royal Doyle Webster to his next big pay increase.

Royal Doyle Webster runs again

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are pleased that our great friend Royal Doyle Webster is running again for Springdale Mayor.  For your benefit, we have a chosen a great musical selection that is befitting of Doyle's royalty.  We would like you to play this as you read the rest of our entry:



We believe this would be Royal Doyle's 27th term as Mayor.  Royal has been a champion tax hiker, and shows no hesitation to team up with liberals like Barack Obama to support great candidates like Democrat Micah Kamrass - a far left kid backed by Planned Parenthood, the Obamas, Stan Chesley, and Jerry Springer.

Four years ago Royal Doyle faced a close call.  We are ensuring that this campaign will be well-run, which means Doyle will have to select a Campaign Manager from outside the family. 

His opponent this year is a fellow Springdale official, Marjorie Harlow.  She has no right to run for this position.  We are absolutely disgusted that we have to deal with another Harlow woman.  What is it with them?

These Harlow women need to learn their role, and it's not challenging men who are entitled to hold office!  We look forward to providing the muscle that will re-elect Royal Doyle Webster as Springdale Mayor - and in the process we'll put that Harlow woman in her place. 

Blue Ash suffers mini-horse setback

Dear fellow tax hikers, we are very upset that the City of Blue Ash has suffered a setback in their efforts to punish a handicapped child for using a miniature service horse to improve her quality of life.  These kind of efforts are not wanted in a community as fine as Blue Ash.  Now this family will get to continue their lawsuit, as a Federal Appeals Court reversed the decision of the trial judge who dismissed this terrible lawsuit.

We applaud the City of Blue Ash for putting the handicapped in their place.  Kids who use service horses to assist with their disability should move to a community that wants those kind of people living there.  Blue Ash doesn't.

We urge this family to drop their lawsuit.  They do not want to mess with Lee Czerwonka, Rick Bryan, and Marc Sirkin.  Disabled residents in Blue Ash better learn their place in the hierarchy - and it's at the bottom, along with State Representative Jonathan Dever and his supporters.

Blue Ash Council subsidizes their golf course

Dear fellow tax hikers, we hope all of our Blue Ash readers are happy this week.  If not, they will be after learning that their tax dollars are subsidizing the Blue Ash Golf Course to the tune of $220,000 per year. 

We fully endorse this generous subsidy.  With golf now being dominated by the impoverished, it would not be fair to expect golf hobbyists to pay for their own rounds.  Blue Ash taxpayers need to subsidize the hordes of lower income folks who flock to the golf course for their Friday afternoon tee times. 

We are glad to see Tax Hikin' Rick Bryan, Jack Buckman, and Blue Ash Council looking out for the lower income golfers just as they look out for themselves.  The Blue Ash Golf Course needs this tax money.  The police, fire, sidewalks, and neighborhoods don't.  If Blue Ash voters continue re-electing the likes of Rick Bryan, Jim Sumner, and Marc Sirkin, they can rest easy knowing that their tax dollars will continue to subsidize the golf course along with the European Vacations of their Councilmen.

Hating Heather Harlow

Dear fellow tax hikers, with the final 2015 filing deadline in the rear view mirror, this fall's campaign season is officially on!  One of our top priorities this year is the removal of Colerain Township Fiscal Officer Heather Harlow - a conservative woman who does not know her role.  As the leaders of the Hate Heather Harlow Club, we have been trying for years to remove this horrible woman from office and have failed every time. 

This year we are receiving help from liberal intellectual leader Trent Tenney and his massive online group Give the Heave-Ho to Heather Harlow.  The group's #1 focus was finding a high-quality opponent that would finally pick up the win. 

And what a fantastic job they did!

Join us if you want to give Harlow the heave ho as bad as we do.  This year it's finally going to happen.  We guarantee it.

New Stadium Tax!

Dear fellow tax hikers, yesterday we learned that Hamilton County taxpayers will soon have an opportunity to implement another stadium tax to renovate the privately-owned US Bank Arena! We love all tax hikes, but stadium taxes are the best.  Our county has enjoyed tremendous success from the first Bedinghaus/Qualls Stadium Tax - so much success that we are now being told we need to spend $250 million on another stadium.

Leaders have said they will seek a "public-private partnership".  This means the public will pay 99% of the expenses, while the private owners might be kind enough to put in the final 1% - if they feel like it. 

We endorse this tax hike.  The Bedinghaus-Qualls Stadium Tax has been an unrivaled success.  We think another stadium tax would be delightful if it ensures another riverfront stadium as great as the first two.

Summer

Dear fellow tax hikers, we realize it's been 11 days since our last post.  Call it a summer break.

So we will catch you up on everything that's happened since we took a vacation:

- Donald Trump
- Hillary Clinton

React.

Help Planned Parenthood make a buck

Dear fellow tax hikers, our friends at Planned Parenthood have come under fire over the revelations that they have been selling the body parts of the babies they abort.  We don't see the problem here.  What's wrong with profiting off the human body parts of a non-human life?

See the abbreviated 9 minute video and the full, unedited 2h42m taping here. 

The reaction against this honorable commerce has been swift.  Speaker John Boehner has announced Congress will hold hearings.  Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal is investigating in his state.  Ohio politicians John Kasich and Dave Yost have condemned it, as have numerous presidential candidates.  We are going to share some relevant information. 

- This is not a human being:

It's a Planned Parenthood revenue stream. 


- There's no reason to respectfully dispose of these non-humans when you can make a buck off them.

In newly released undercover footage from the pro-life Center for Medical Progress, seasoned abortionist Dr. Deborah Nucatola, who serves as national senior director of “medical services” at Planned Parenthood, chitter-chattered eagerly about fulfilling the bloodthirsty demand for “intact hearts,” “lower extremities” and lungs.

Price tag? “You know, I would throw a number out,” she babbled breezily as she twirled her fork. “I would say it’s probably anywhere from $30 to $100″ per specimen.

- And this is a Siamese Pig:

Click to enlarge, if possible

No, actually it's NARAL Ohio's Executive Director Kellie Copeland.  She stands with Planned Parenthood in this controversy. 

We all should stand with Planned Parenthood.  Remember - an unborn child isn't a human, until their human body parts can turn a profit for Planned Parenthood. 

Bail out Greece

Dear fellow tax hikers, it is urgent that the United States Government begin its next bailout program. 

Yesterday Greece voted to reject their latest bailout. 

Tomorrow Greece may run out of money. 

So only one thing can be done.  Bail out Greece!  Greece didn't like their last bailout offer, so surely they'll like ours.  We call on President Obama and the rest of our allies in Washington to make this happen.  Who cares if we ever get paid back?  We don't. 

Red Light Bribery scandal - the players

Dear fellow tax hikers, as Columbus politics continues to be rocked by the Red Light Camera bribery scandal, we want to take some time to make sure you meet two of the key players.  (You may want to click on the pics to enlarge.)

First up is Columbus City Council President Andrew Ginther, Democrat running for Columbus Mayor.  King of tax abatements, stadium bailouts, and data rigging.

Next, meet Ginther's pet Democratic lobbyist John Raphael.  Also functions as Ginther's enthusiastic food taster and errand boy.  In his spare time, a professional Twinkie connoisseur. 

I now pronounce you man, man, wife, incestor, and transexual

Dear fellow tax hikers, as bisexual incestor polygamists we were initially disappointed in the Supreme Courts ruling forcing gay marriage in all 50 states.  We have been at the forefront of the Real Marriage Equality movement, which states that all adults should be able to marry as many other adults as they want including relatives. 

But nothing in the ruling explicitly states that incest marriages, polygamy, group marriages, and concubine marriages must be allowed.  We are currently in a 4-person marriage, and two of the people are brothers, but this loving marriage is not recognized by our bigoted laws.  What about our marriage equality?  Equality means equality.

However upon further examination we are starting to think we may get our way.  The Supreme Court declared marriage to be a fundamental right and used "due process" to justify their ruling.  That language means that all people are entitled to marriage and that the government can't deny it.  There is nothing in the ruling indicating that any form of marriage is legally superior to another.  Real marriage equality may be coming sooner than you think.

We will remain leaders in the fight for Real Marriage Equality.  We call on gay marriage leaders to continue the fight for full equality.  There is no equality until we are all equal. 

Take two more tax increases

Dear fellow tax hikers, this week has brought the wonderful news that we might be getting another two tax increases.  This is in addition to the two excellent tax increases that we profiled last month. 

First, another all-star task force has recommended that Hamilton County raise the property "fee" by $25-$86 for each parcel of land regardless of value. 

The latest plan to save Hamilton County's 911 emergency communication system would cost every homeowner and business as much as $86 a year in new property fees.

As of our blog posting time, that is how the article reads.  But because we are incredibly fair-minded tax-hiking bloggers, we will note that Auditor Dusty Rhodes states that the tax fee only applies to the 60% of the county outside of Cincinnati, Norwood, and Amberley Village. 

Next, a petition drive has been started to raise Cincinnati's Property Tax by a full mill to jack up city park spending.  Leading the charge is Mayor John Cranley, who has finally decided that we need a property tax increase after campaigning for mayor against one. 

We are proud to be the first organization to endorse both of these money grabs.  We stand behind them 100%, just like we strongly endorsed both of last month's tax increases.  The government needs that money.  You don't. 

Red Light Camera Bribery

Dear fellow tax hikers, major news has rocked Ohio politics as the former CEO of red light camera company Redflex plead Guilty to bribing elected officials in Columbus and Cincinnati.  One known recipient of her bribes is Columbus City Council President Andrew Ginther, who is was the frontrunner for Columbus Mayor.  Redflex routed the money through Democratic lobbyist John Raphael, who donated the money to the Ohio Democratic Party, who then gave the money to Ginther.

Ohio Democratic Party Chairman David A. Pepper, who is the most ethical almost-Attorney General in our nation's history and is as pure as the winter snow, would never condone such behavior.  To demonstrate his strong opposition to corruption, Pepper has issued the following statement:

Another known bribe recipient is a Cincinnati elected official between 2005-2008, though the feds have not released the name.  We ask our loyal readers, do you know who this person is? 

This blog has always been a strong supporter of red light cameras.  We don't care whether they improve public safety, we support these cameras because they are revenue machines and represent another method of extracting money from the commoners. 

If we have to engage in bribery to get these cameras up, we are all for it.  Like Chairman Pepper, we will not condemn Ginther and the unnamed Cincinnati official for taking bribes - the only thing they did wrong was getting caught.

All Star Mustaches coming to Cincinnati

Dear fellow tax hikers, we have finally succeeded in bringing the Big All-Star Mustaches to Cincinnati.  They will be placed around town to help celebrate the All Star Game.  These mustaches are a huge deal - even bigger than mustaches Rick Bryan, Jim Sumner, and Todd Portune. 

We considered bringing back the highly successful Big Pig Gig, but Craig and Tabitha Hochscheid decided not to participate and no suitable replacements could be found. 

This is an exciting development for the city and our legendary blog.  With all the defeats we've suffered, this is exactly what we need to give Mustache Power the momentum it needs to resume its proper role dominating Southwest Ohio politics. 

Adam Hoover sentenced - to diversion

Dear fellow tax hikers, the last time we heard about gay rights leader Adam Hoover he was making international news by getting arrested for faking his own abduction.  Adam is a respectable homosexual (are there any other kind?) so we urged the judicial system to cut him a break.  We can proudly report that Adam received his sweetheart resolution to these charges, getting sentenced to 6 months diversion. 

It basically means he has to be a good boy for 6 months.  And if he does break the law during probation they will drag him back to Court, where they will repeat their order not to break law again and force him to turn in his shirtless posters of Justin Bieber.

Even though this "sentence" was announced 3 weeks ago, we are still only the 2nd media outlet to report on it.  In particular, The Enquirer ran from this story faster than Democratic voters have been running from PG Sittenfeld.  When they thought Adam Hoover had been kidnapped, they were hotter for this story than The Hoover on a monster c*ck.

This should free Hoover to resume his important work on the Hillary Clinton for President campaign.  If there's anyone who should know their place, it's someone on the Hillary Rodham Clinton campaign.  As The Hoover knows, sometimes that place is in the trunk of a car.

Go to the end of the line, peasant

Dear fellow tax hikers, Hillary Rodham Clinton was recently mistreated by one of her own supporters.  Mrs. Clinton was finishing a campaign event when she got accosted by a commoner who wanted her autograph. What, for free? 

Hillary rightfully told the peasant to go to the end of the line where she belongs.

This townie has not made a sufficient contribution to the Clinton campaign or the Clinton Foundation (hourly rate: $300,000) and therefore did not possess the right to address Mrs. Clinton as an equal.  That is a mistake she had better not make twice. 

This peasant was lucky Hillary was so nice to her.  There are rules to follow around HRC, and one of them is that commoners do not get to speak to Mrs. Clinton unless she speaks to them first.  Learn these rules, or the next person Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton orders to the back of the line might be you.